Prinsesa’s Anatomy

If you’ve been following my entries here you probably have a good idea how insane Kulot, my youngest sister, really is. I thought it will be good to share her neurotic wisdom here all in the name of a good laugh since it has been wet and soggy for some days now, maybe everyone can use a bit of sunshine from her. I’ve come up with a short list of some of her most famous quotes.

1. “Dito na lang ako magstay. May Disney channel dito eh [I'll stay here because of the Disney channel].” -Kulot said this when I was at the hospital. She came from school and when she saw that the cable on my room had Disney, she did not want to go home anymore.

2. “Ano ba yan 80 lbs. lang ako. Yung kalahati pa nun bigat lang nung tape worm sa tiyan ko [Tsk, I'm only 80 lbs. With half of that 80 lbs. accounting for the tape worm inside my intestines].”

3. “Alam mo ba Sanse kung bakit hindi totoo and mga superhero? Kasi mahirap yun eh, kung totoo ang superhero eh di pag nagalit yun sumabog na ang bulkan o kaya lumindol na. Pag may laser eyes ka nasunog na yung tiningnan mo pag uminit ulo mo, kaya imposible yun [Do you know sister why superheroes are not real? Because that's hard, see if they are real, when they get mad they can accidentally cause volcanic eruptions, or earthquakes. If you have laser eyes, you'll burn the person you instantly get mad at, so that's impossible].” -Kulot said this out of the blue. She and my other sister were just sitting together, not even talking when Kulot suddenly halted the silence with this statement, which she was very seriously pondering on.

4. “Mommy, kung lahat ba ng tao sa mundo walang ilong at ako lang ang meron, ako ba ay abnormal? [Mommy, if all the people in the world did not have noses and I did, does that mean I am abnormal?]“

5. “Sanse, tulungan mo nga ako magdrawing ng tupa. Kasi pag nagdrawing ka ng tupa nakakainspire! [Sister, help me draw sheep because really, drawing sheep is really inspiring!] -Kulot was doing her homework this time but was having trouble doing an illustration of a sheep so to convince my other sister to help her, this was what she said.

6. “Naalala mo pa ba ditse yung mga panloloko mo sakin nung bata pa ko? Ang sabi mo may mini-town sa tiyan ko. Pag kumakain ako sinasalo nila yung mga kinakain ko tapos yun ang pagkain nila! [Sister do you remember the lies you told me when I was little? You said there was a mini-town inside my stomach that when I eat they catch the pieces of the food inside my tummy and that is what they also eat!]

7. “Hay nako, napagod na yata sa kakaiyak [At last, looks like she got tired of crying already]. -Kulot made this remark last summer when I was crying all morning in our room and she was just scowling and watching me mope. All my drama must’ve tired her she fell asleep, but I woke her not long after and that was what she told me, maybe annoyed that I disturbed her.

8. “Oo, babantayan ko yang pusa mo. Tingnan mo na lang mamaya ha? Nakasabit yan dyan sa labas sa puno [Sure I'll watch your cat. Look for it later outside by the tree okay? It's hanged.]

Just got out of the hospital today. Rm. 309.

My left hand is still sore from the intravenous catheter that happily tortured my being for the past 22 hours. I’ll make this story short and sweet and hopefully, a little less humiliating:

My friend Mon had always been fond of declaring to the world how monsterize I become whenever I suffer from PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome) monthly; he even blames my PMS for my cat’s horrible attitude problem. However, the big secret from Mon was what comes after my pre-monster syndrome. And what came after PMS caused my overnight stay in the hospital last night.

I had the most insane, body numbing, and breath vacuuming menstrual pains ever – literally, yesterday around 11am that I had to be rushed to the hospital after my sister found me cold, shaking uncontrollably, looking a shade between paper white, pale yellow, and black, and a hair strand away from loosing consciousness at our dorm yesterday. I looked so horribly dying that after giving me three tablets of medications she managed to phone our mentor, one of our friends, my man, and our parents in split nanoseconds, if not probably all at the same time just so I could be sent to the hospital because she was panicking as hell. As she was trying to call for help, I was trapped inside myself, my whole universe pinpointed on my tiny uterus causing me the most disgusting, face contorting to a 9 scale kind of pain.

It was amazing, how much pain I felt. A sudden shot of pain burst from my hypogastric then spreading all throughout my abdomen that I couldn’t stand anymore, all my muscles suddenly with a life of their own. All of my extremities numbed and my mouth was open just so I could suck air. It was terrifying and horrendously painful.

When we reached the hospital, I had somehow recovered from the sudden painful episode because of the medications my sister gave me, though I still had to be placed on oxygen therapy. The hospital insisted that I be admitted, and so was the wish of my parents via phone, so there I went, rm. 309.

I was already on my room, with nasal prongs on my face for the oxygen and my parents arrived, my mother crying and panicking but relieved at the same time. Then all my friends from the student publication came and people from my dorm and my classmates in graduate school.

The funny thing was, when all my visitors arrived, I was already feeling better that I did not look the bit sick. I did not even have an intravenous line, but only a heplock for my injectable medication! So by the end of the day we were already laughing off what had happened to me.

But I was thankful, that I’m fine now, and all of the people around me really showed their love and concern and support. I was so touched. My man even got me flowers! I know I got everybody worried. When I was at the ER my sister and my man were ghostly white. My mentor was telling my mother that when they found me I looked like I was really going! She even told my mother that she was lucky she did not see me on my acute episode because it could’ve given her a heart attack. God. It was terrible.

But I’m okay now. And thank you to everybody who cared for me and went to see me.

So what comes after pre-monster syndrome? Insane dysmenorrhea, and a lot of love.

Kulot, my youngest sister, likes to describe her relationship with Jin, my Siamese cat, in this simple statement: no relation.

She claims she hates Jin and even calls him demonyo [devil] because of my playful cat’s habit of scratching her each and every night – the only time my sister was unscratched was a couple of nights ago when Jin got sick with a sprained bump. She might as well be in pro wrestling or maybe in varsity football because of her precise and artistic way of throwing Jin and slamming him on the bed. But no, no, she hasn’t caused any serious damage yet though her plans of hanging Jin and having him get all hit by a car seems to pose a serious threat that would come some day soon that I better be on the look out.

But I think it’s all good, like a love-hate relationship fantastically disguised in a hate-hate one. Even though Kulot aims to throw him out asap, she takes care of Jin every time I’m home like when I don’t go home for days, she’s the one who feeds him and cleans his litter box. I don’t have a picture to prove it, but Kulot even decorated his old litter box with glossy pieces of paper from a magazine and it even has his name spelled and pasted neatly on the box.

But yesterday they were at it again. Just before lunch, Kulot showed up at our room with a juicy piece of hamburger at hand. Of course, as automatic as it could get, Jin ran towards her and was meowing and meowing for a bite. As usual, Kulot replied to his blabbing with this:

“Ano? Anong sinasabi mo? Hindi kita maintindihan! Wala ka bang subtitle? [What? What are you saying? I can't understand! Don't you have any subtitles?]“

I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or what. I accused her of being selfish, of being so cold hearted – of course all in mockery – since she didn’t want to share any of the hamburger with my precious Jin. But the cat, instead of begging some more, was prideful really. He walked away from Kulot and had his back turned on her for the next moment.

Maybe his tampo [upset] effect stroke something that Kulot finally decided to say while holding the last bite of the hamburger, “Sige na nga. Jin! Halika dito, bibigay ko na sayo to [Fine. Jin! Come here, I'll finally give this to you].

But the cat didn’t move!

So Kulot warned for the last time, “Pag di ka pa din lumapit kakainin ko na to! [If you don't come I'll definitely eat this all up!]“

Jin wasn’t moving. He wasn’t moving. In goes the hamburger and he finally turned but it was too late. No hamburgers for Jin that time.

But here’s the

good part: today, Kulot got her braces. And it will be quite a while, I’m sure of it, Jin would have all the hamburgers he wants.

Cat scores!

Oh, here’s a picture of Jin with my three younger sisters. Kulot is the one wearing yellow beside Jin. The one on top is Kulot being a good nanny to Jin, a rare moment caught on cam.

I hate it when I leave something well but it’s disabled by the time I get back.

Yesterday was quite a busy day for me, but no matter the day load I have, family comes first: so when I woke up, before doing anything, first things first – I played with my cat, Jin [Jin is a 4 month old Siamese cat, a gift from my man when I finished college a couple of months ago.]

Jin loved playing at our backyard since he spends most of his time at our room. I figured he must be a worm during his past life because he loved plants. I’m not really sure if he really loves them or he just enjoys the scratch he seems to get each time he passes b y them. All was well and I knew he had fun and by the time I had to leave, I sent him back to our room so he could finish his breakfast and maybe get some sleep again, then I’m off.

But when I returned last night, Jin did not come to greet me at the door, but he was looking at me from the bed where he lay curled up. I picked him up but he went all ballistic and he meowed loudly, which is something he doesn’t do very often, so rare that my father was worried about the possibility that Jin was mute. He curled again and wasn’t moving a muscle. He looked irritated and watching him all still like that I knew something was wrong about him! He usually infuriates everybody because he is always running around and scratching someone’s skin, so him being all quiet and still worried me a lot.

When my neurotic sister came into the room I asked her what was wrong with Jin, what happened to him for heaven’s sake!

Pia told me she wasn’t really sure because the whole afternoon, Jin was his rightful self, bugging and annoying her so much because as she cleans our room, Jin kept on chasing the broom. But she remembered something, that when she came back the room, one of our other kittens was also inside. Jesus Christ. Jin is terribly scared of other cats, big or small, he’s just terrified, but I can’t say the same goes for dogs though. There was a bump near his tail so we figured he must’ve climbed on the window screens when he saw the kitten and was unfortunate to fall thus the bump.

God. I was so worried because his behavioral change was massive. He was quiet and not moving and he wasn’t even playing with his paint brush! I was very restless, I didn’t know what to do! But I figured maybe all he needed was a good rest since his sprain or strain or whatever it was would be self healing, I’d observe him till tomorrow then if things doesn’t get better I’ll take him to the vet.

I realized I was so scared and worried for him because he was sick, and to think he was a cat. I figured, what more if he was human, like a real kid or whatever. That must entail a monstrous amount of worry and stress. So I slept with Jin beside me last night. Me all careful not to move and be still as possible so I won’t nudge him because he doesn’t like being touched all of a sudden, I figured it must be hurting him, so there we lay side by side with our favorite blue blanket, praying that tomorrow would bring a new day and he’ll be suddenly okay again.

And what do you know, he was suddenly okay again!

When I opened my eyes I heard my sister cursing Jin because he was throwing and scattering all the sand from his litter box on the floor.

I guess this would be the first time I loved him trashing the room!