Prinsesa’s Anatomy

Hindi ko alam kung sino ang mas maswerte: ang mga ulila ba o ako na mayroon namang ama pero hindi ko naman kilala. Mabuti pa nga sana kung patay na siya – siguro mas madaling tanggapin sa loob, kaso buhay pa siya at kumakayod sa dayuhang bayan, kung gaano katagal hindi ko na pinagkaabalahang alamin. Basta ang alam ko, 6, 205 na arw, 884 na linggo, 204 na buwan at 17 taon na siyang absent sa buhay ko – sa madaling sabi, buong buhay ko. Umalis siya ng ako’y ipinanganak, at hindi pa nagbabalik mula noon. Pero hindi niya naman inabandona si Ina. Tumatawag si Ama sa bahay at patuloy ang padala sa aming mag-ina. Pero wala siya. Wa-la. Ito na ang nakatatak sa isip ko, mula pa ng ako’y namulat.

Kaya naman laking gulat ko isang araw ng may makita akong lalaki sa sala pagpasok ko sa aming bahay. Mataas siya, maputi, at maganda ang pangangatawan. Sa totoo lang mukha na siyang kanluranin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero natigilan ako sa pinto ng makita ko siya. Wala namang lumabas ni ha ni ho sa bibig ko, ni hindi ko maitanong kung sino siya o kung nasan ba ang ina ko. Basta, parang may nakadrugs na rabbit na nakawala sa dibdib ko.

“Mithi! Mabuti at nandito ka na, kanina ka pa namin hinihintay!” Muntik ng ibato ni Ina sa hangin ang tray ng meryenda na hawak niya ng makita niya ako, kasabay ng pagmilog ng mata ng lalaki at biglang pagtayo mula sa prenteng pagkakaupo. Nagkatinginan kami at sa hindi malamang dahilan ay pareho kaming mukhang nakakita ng multo. Anak ng pusang may balbas. Parang alam ko na ang susunod na sasabihin ni Ina.

“Mithi, siya ang Daddy mo, anak!” Sakto. Sabi na eh. Si Ina talaga, predictable.

Akala mo tumama sa lotto si Ina sa tuwa habang palapit ang lalaking diumano’y ang magaling kong Daddy, na bagama’t nakausap ko na din ng ilang pagkakataon sa telepono ay absent pa din sa buhay ko sa kabuuang, inuulit ko, 6,205 na araw, 884 na linggo, 204 na buwan at 17 taon.

“Anak ang tagal kong naghintay…” mangiyak-ngiyak niyang sabi sabay yakap sa akin at tanong ng madamdaming, “Kamusta ka na?” Letse.

“Okay, okay ako,” lang ang nasagot ko dahil baka hindi magustuhan ni Ina kung ang tunay na nasa loob ko ang sasabihin ko na, “Diyos ko naman Dad, kung nandito ka kasama namin siguro hindi mo na kailangang magtanong.”

Akala mo fiesta ang mga sumunod na araw sa bahay namin, una dahil sa dami ng pasalubong na dala ni Ama, at pangalawa, dahil sa dami ng kamag-anak at kapitbahay na dumadalaw upang hingin ang mga ito, siguro para kamustahin na rin si Ama. Laging masaya si Ina araw-araw…alam mo na. At ako? Gusto kong murahin si Ama at sasali sa buhay namin ni Ina, at wag ka, feeling close pa. Gusto ko siyang sumbatan ng isang milyong ulit dahil sa pagkawala niya ng maraming taon. Gusto kong sabihin na punong-puno ako ng ngitngit at hindi ko siya kilala. At ano ba ang akala niya sa amin ni Ina? Mukhang pera kaya sa padala niya kami binuhay at hindi siya kaniyang presensiya? Lintik naman o.

Pero siyempre hindi ko pwedeng sabihin yon dahil baka palayasin ako ni Ina, isa pa, iniisip ko din naman na baka sabihin ni Ama ay pinalaki akong walang modo ni Ina, sayang naman ang effort ni Ina di ba? Kaya ano pa nga ba ang solusyon kundi silent mode na lang ako sa bahay, magpaka busy sa eskwela tapos ay uwi at lock sa kuwarto para lang hindi ko makita si Ama at maalala ang ginawa niyang ‘pagabandona’ sa amin ni Ina.

Ganito lang ang buhay sa bahay sa mga sumunod na buwan. Hindi matutunaw ng presensiya ni Ama ngayon ang malaking butas sa aking pagktao na noon pa mang wala pa akong malay ay ginawa na niya. Basta ang alam ko, wala si Ama noong mga panahong kailangan ko siya habang ako’y lumalaki.

Naging mas madali ang buhay para sakin ng makahanap agad ng trabaho si Ama sa isang engineering company sa siyudad. Sa isang araw, nagkikita lamang kami kapag aalis na siya sa umaga at uuwi na sa gabi. Lumilipas ang isang araw na hindi kami halos nag-uusap. Yun naman ang suto ko kay Ama. Marunong siyang makahalata na hindi pa ko handa, at hindi niya naman pinipilit ang sarili niya. Marahil, maghihintay muna siya… hanggang sa maging handa na ko.

Kaso… isang gabi hindi si Ama ang napagbuksan ni Ina sa pinto, nagkus ay isang kasamahan sa trabaho. Ayon sa kaniya, nagkaroon ng aksidente sa site, at hindi na muling makakauwi pa sa amin si Ama – sa pagkakataong ito, kailanman.

Lintik naman Ama. Hindi ko lubos maisip na sa loob ng 6, 205 na araw, 884 na linggo, 204 na buwat at 17 taon na wala ka sa buhay ko, magagawa mo pa rin akong saktan ng ganito katindi ngayong wala ka na naman.

NOTE: So as promised, this is the short story that I wrote for the paper. It is out of necessity LOL. I am not very good in Tagalog though, or in drama at that. LOL. So spare me. LOL.

PM is still terribly busy but this time not with the publication but with teaching [my adorable students, of course]! LOL. It seems that the two things I enjoy most really occupies me this month so much! I am swamped! But thank you, thank you, thank you for still visiting me and waiting for that one drop of new post I might be doing, or not. LOL.

Speaking of updates, I would like to announce that Labing Pitong Taon will be making its blog debut on Saturday – so don’t miss it! LOL. I just wish it will be good enough for you.

You know, I am really doubting this work load that I am having this early at the Year of the Ox. I am a cat. I am not an ox so what gives? LOL.

Interestingly, this morning during one of my classes teaching Nat. Sc. 2, the Dean of the College suddenly showed up without any warning at all and observed my teaching on my class. LOL. So I had two eagle eyes watching my every move: my critique teacher and no less than the Dean.

But don’t worry about PM because cats don’t get nervous at all so I was perfectly fine. How fine? Let’s just say that Ma’am PM’s teaching  got the approval of the Dean. Pretty neat huh? Now that is a cool, cool reward for all of my hard work. Yey me!

And here’s another ‘Yey Me!’ moment for your most favourite Musang: awards of course! But I must say it is still not yet the Nobel Prize for Education, if there is any by the way, but equally heart warming blogging awards from my most wonderful blog friends: translation – you!

This is the first one I got this year!

This is from nyl. I got this on January 9, so early in the new year, such a nice present. I enjoyed this one because it is the Smile Award. What more explanation do you need for that? I wholeheartedly give this to Kengkay and Utakmunggo because these two Mom’s surely know how to rock their world, while taking care of their families at the same time. So cool! 

This reminds of Kimora Lee Simmon's favorite word - Fabulousity!

This one is from Lalaine. How many times do you get people who will tell you your blog is fabulous right? LOL. And you got to admit the dog on that picture is adorable. LOL. I got this last January 23. The rules for passing this goes like this: say and link the person who gave it to you and reveal five addictions. That’s easy: pokemon, cats, proof reading, chocolates though they are bad for me, and Pringels! I would like to pass this award to dotep and joyfulchicken. But I think JC would find this too cheesy to grab. LOL

The last award I got was very recent and it is from bw. I like it very much but unfortunately I cannot post the picture because either something is wrong with its format or my PC is whack. You can check bw’s page if you want to see the insignia of this award but allow me to post what bw had to say about me:

Princesa’s Anatomy - Prinsesa Musang might talk about her cat a lot but this young woman ocassionally comes out with thought provoking posts that belie her age. Such posts impressed me hence this stamp of approval for the award.

You know, bw is one of of the first blogs that I read and read and read, even when I was just starting blogging almost a year ago. It was one of my favorite blogs and Mon’s most favorite blog [Mon is the man behind Guardian Angel Acosta and he introduced me to blogging - much aptly, he forced me to start a blog.] I am passing this award to the most honest people I find on the blogging world. Their works are personal and I find joy and just so much honesty in them as they share their lives with many of us who read them. Many times, when they are happy or sad, I find myself feeling sincerely for them. Through them I discovered that blog friends can be as great as real friends are. So this goes to ms.panda, princess dyanie, sheng, K, batopik, nyl, and piapot. This is the rule for passing this, which I copied from bw’s post:

“When accepting this auspicious award, you must write a post bragging about it, including the name of the misguided soul who thinks you deserve such acclaim, and link back to said person so everyone knows he or she is real.” “Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have 7 friends. Show the 7 random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Weblog.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. List at least ten honest things about yourself. Then, pass it on!”

To all of the people who gave me these lovely awards, all I got to say is, these might not be a Nobel but since it came from you, they are better than that.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I was out in your comment boxes for this past entire week because I was terribly swamped with work in the university’s publication office, and was even out to Angeles City the last days of the week to lay-out the paper. It was tough, tough work but I am very happy to announce that the work was done and it is fabulous!

As senior editor, it was my job to see everything runs smoothly, and to make life a little easier for the moderator of the paper. I really enjoy working in the publication because it gets all my creative juices flowing perfectly. One concrete example of this was the fact that I have written a short story in Tagalog all because we had to beat the deadline and the two short stories the staff passed where short of desirability. So to make ends meet, I had to whip out a short story on the spot – in Tagalog!

The thing is, PM is a native English writer. Tagalog is an unknown territory. But I dared. I thought of a concept while taking a bath and started whacking that keyboard. After printing, they told me the story was good. Yey me!

The title of the short story is Labing Pitong Taon. It is about a daughter who despises her father because he is an OFW, and what happens when he returns after  being away for 17 long years since the birth of the daughter. It deals with powerful mixed emotions, not one at a time, but everything at a time. LOL.

Maybe I’d post it here next time. I don’t have a soft copy so that means I have to type everything so I think I’d do that for my next post. What I’m happy about is the fact that I tried something new and it worked out just fine. Yey me!

It’s almost that time of the year again where many will be leaving to face bigger realities of life. Most students are looking forward to it, because it is the prize after all that they are going to get after running an unbelievable race for the longest time. It is associated with high hopes, with confidence, and with pure idealism.

But before taking that step that will leave you out of the university for good, be warned. I know you are raring to conquer the world and be Master of the Universe in your own given fields, but do not be fooled into thinking that the life out there is all rosy and bright. There are many secrets they kept from you in school.

They did not tell you that the ‘real life’  out there is one of the harshest kind when you are going on and on about wanting to take the plunge. They did not tell you that the state board exams you will be taking can be really rough, and worse, that you have not learned all that is basic therein, which you will later find out when you sit with hundreds and thousands of people in the review center of your choice, clueless. They did not tell you that chances are, once you step that foot out of the university, you will then be an unwelcomed addition to the thousands and thousands that are listed as unemployed in the country; and worse, you will have no immediate idea as to how you will get along with your days because all you really knew was to go to school every waking day of your life for the past several years.

The truth is,there are going to be tough days ahead after attending that commencement exercises, but the good news is, there is also a way for you to beat the odds and rise above the roughness of it all.

The trick is to keep your focus and be objective about everything. The harsh real world can be played like a war game: it needs planning and strategy, and most importantly, you keep a solid attitude, one of the right kind that will take you places. When the going gets tough, have a tougher attitude to go with it. Use all the maturity you muster to collect in all your years to think ahead. Use all your remaining time in school to devise a plan on how you will get by after leaving, explore your options and use what little time you have left to make possible connections. Think about what you want and should be doing after all this is over, come to think of it, it is only a matter of time.

What is important is that you do not allow yourself to be idle. Find a job, work, volunteer, or study further if you have the passion, ambition, and means. Keep yourself busy because some tend to loose the drive to ride the wave of their profession once vacant for a long while. Be creative and maximize all your potentials, just never ever allow yourself to fall into a rot.

Now the state board exams is another story. Anything can happen, and most of the time it has nothing to do with how mentally equipped you are. There are only three things I can say about it: study, use your common sense, and pray the hardest! Do not think you can by that easy. That’s suicide!

Many things will surely come along, and I bet it will be accompanied with lots of hits and blows. It is not torture at all, but it is called life. There are millions of obstacles that though scary are also very exciting to conquer. Numerous challenges await outside the gates of the university but there is no reason to fear them, but caution is necessary. Going naively blind into the real world can lead to an ugly crash. But it doesn’t mean when you have it all mapped out it ends up full-proof. There is no such thing, so expect what’s unexpected.

So much is at stake out there and as you embrace it, come what may, do keep in mind that nobody has the insane power to make it all perfect, but I bet all of us are entitled to a gazillion chances, no matter how many wrongs we incur, to make it all right.

NOTE: This is for the column I keep at the university paper called Going in Circles. This is my last column for the paper’s last issue for the AY 08-09, and my last as an editor for the paper.

I told you he's a pig. LOL

But I must say he is a very cute pig at that. LOL. I think pig suits him. He could have been born on the year of the pig. LOL.

I’ve been wanting to post this during the holidays but was just not able to do so. Do you remember my post where I posted our gifts to each other that we were guessing what’s inside? Well, the cute pig pillow was the thing he got from me. It was really interesting how I got that pig. I was in SM Pampanga doing the Christmas mall rush and on my way out I passed by Toy Kingdom and saw this adorable pig and immediately thought of my Man. It was so us. LOL. Babe&Babe right? It was perfect.

He says they sleep together hugging each other from then on. I think I should watch out. The pig might be too cuddly he’d fire me as his Babe. LOL.

This will be brief. I have here a photo and tell me what you see.

Do you see anything? LOL

It is pretty interesting on a freaking way right? LOL

I always wonder what our pets might be doing when we are not at home, or when they go outside and creep out at night. I noticed that they sleep a lot during the day. And you know what? As time passes by I think I am getting a strong idea of what they are doing behind our backs.

This is Appa. He likes to sleep with his head dangling on the side of the bed.

I think Jin is having a cop dream or someting.

There is something uncomfortable about Kite's position, agree?

Super Cat anyone? I think Tatlo is reciting in class in her dreams.

Cat got your tongue?

With much thinking and deliberating, I seriously think that pets go clubbing and party hard at night or else what reason can there be for such drunk-like sleeping appearances? For sure this is were the idiom party like an animal came from. Huh! I knew it! Shame on you. Alcoholic animals!

I was playing North American (na) ROSE on-line earlier this evening with my Man when I met a fellow gamer from Malaysia when I was doing clan quests for the clan my Man owned, Valkyrie. You see, naROSE is highly sociable and people chat a lot so I ended up talking with the gamer from Malaysia. Let us call him gamer X.

Gamer X: Hi. Are you also doing the clan quest here?

PM: Yes! I was about to ask you the same thing! LOL

Gamer X: LOL. Are you the Clan Master (CM)?

PM: No, only Deputy Master, my Man is the CM.

Gamer X: I see. What level are you now? I’m 133.

PM: 180 ^^ From where are you?

Gamer X: I’m from Malaysia.

PM: Cool. We are neighbors. I’m from RP.

Gamer X: Cool. I know a lot of people from RP here.

PM: Oh that’s great!

Gamer X: They teach me a lot of Tagalog words, but ugly ones [curses].

PM: Like what? I’ll teach you good ones then.

Gamer X: Like munyeta.

PM: [I fell to the floor, laughing.]

Maybe the one teaching him has cleft lip [ngongo] or something.

As my Man and I were heading out of the mall after having lunch, a bunch of girls walked by us and after passing us stopped dead in their tracks.

I heard one say, “parang kilala ko siya? [I think I know her]” so we were put to a halt too and as I was turning my Man said, “oh si Ma’am daw [They were calling you Ma'am].

When I turned around, I recognized that they were my students from one of the classes I taught at the university. We exchanged quick greetings and the girls were laughing as they went by. Apaprently they did not recognize Ma’am PM quickly because I was wearing casual clothes, which was also the reason why I did not recognize them, out of their uniform.

My Man and I found it very interesting. He was teasing me that I was like a celebrity. Oh but that’s just crazy, right? But it made me happy that my students greeted me even out of the university, and they were happy to see me. I think they really like me and that’s great news.

I told my friend and boss EIC Rem about the incident later in the evening and he said that was normal that more people recognized me now because after all, I am Ma’am PM.

What do you know I think I am suddenly interesting!

Ma’am PM is back teaching in her classroom, beside the building under construction that competes with her voice each day, of course the sore throat is also back, albeit worster this time because now I feel as if my throat is inflammed and is being pricked each time I swallow, but the best news is that Ma’am PM is still very happy teaching, and learning at the same time.

The week before the holidays, I conducted an exam to assess my teaching and the assimilation of my students. Majority passed the exam, which was not surprising actually because they were the first section after all, plus I was not the one who made the exam. But I was still happy, at least they learned from me, and I think four even got a perfect score!

But the new year ushered a bigger challenge for me and my students. I was about to make an exam for them and give it right after instruction, plus my students were from the fourh section. The exam I made was not easy, for sure I knew that so I was nervous regarding the performance of my students.

But what do you know, it turned out all right! I was very pleased with my students when majority passed and one was also able to perfect the exam. They performed well, they helped themselves and learned, and I felt great so I congratulated them. When I did, one of my students replied, “Syempre naman, magaling ang nagtuturo samin eh [Of course, it is because we have a good teacher.]“

I never really thought learning can be this fun.