Prinsesa’s Anatomy

If there was one thing that PM has always hated, it has been ambivalence.

In matters that has concerned me personally, I saw to it that everything was either a yes or a no – that was how I operated, and operated well I did. To be able to function properly, it was imperative that my disposition towards things was clear and strong. It gives me purpose and focus. This was the philosophy behind the house that Musang built.

Barely half a month into my new work, I have probably felt a godzillion, bazillion times torn between liking my work and loathing it to death. I hate talking about work but it has been all that I’ve blabbed about in my past entries. Gray area much. Ugh. The indecision is killing me and the last time I checked, I am too young to die.

Wait. Let me rephrase that. Teaching I love. Office politics I hate. My salary I love. Dying of cancer because of stress I hate.

Okay. So there is a sense to this after all.

I think I should go and make more paper cranes before I pass out due to hyperventilation. Ack!

Rem, my friend from the college publication told me yesterday that he has visited my blog after a long while and after reading my posts, he concluded that I was really getting busy and preoccupied by work – of course this was on a sour note.

I could not agree more. In fact, my blog hopping has suffered tremendously because of the heightened stress brought to me by work. I thought I am scattered and my usually composed self is loosing its grip. It may be because of the new environment and new terms I am still adjusting to at work but all in all, it has been ugly. LOL.

That’s why I decided I needed to collect myself and slow down. The method to which I would do this, I’ve decided, is through making paper cranes. Yep, that is my project these days – each time I would feel hyper, stressed, overwhelmed or whatever it may be, I will do paper cranes.

Bekaru, my other friend from the college publication, told me how to fold them yesterday. My target is to fold 1,000 paper cranes before the semester ends sometime in October. Since last night, I have folded 31. Actually, two were donated paper cranes, from my Man and piapot. If you want to donate too, just let me know and I will send you my address so I could have them.

To be honest, this paper crane project means a lot to me, and I am predicting that I will learn a whole lot of things about myself and what is going on around me just by making them.

It may sound silly but I believe folding them, one paper crane at a time, might just be the secret to my success.

PM held her first baby just this morning.

Of course it is not mine. LOL. I’m talking about the first baby I delivered in the hospital.

As I held the newborn baby girl and feel her weight against my arms, I realized how wonderful life can really be – especially new beginnings.

For the first time in what felt like forever, I looked into an innocent child without freaking out, while shaking my head that was painted with a silly smile as I say, “now I know why they call babies a bundle of joy”.

The new life on my arms gave me a renewed optimism, about beginnings, about life – that surely, life is so wonderful and that there are just so much to be thankful for that small hassles brought to me by work means nothing compared to what life really has to offer. I felt ashamed in whining about the littlest things and I felt so silly for feeling bad easily for the most trivial things.

Life is a gift. And I will live.

As I set foot on the hospital yesterday morning and greeted the staff nurses, a loud sound from outside jolted all of us. We all rushed outside and obviously, it was an emergency case, a boy, a toddler, has drowned, and was dead on arrival.

I was not sure of the efficiency the health care team was able deliver the news to the family of the boy. Maybe, no matter how many years of practice and experience you have with this kind of thing, it is never easy.

It made me realize how simple life really is – there is an end, and it can happen any time, all of a sudden, and that’s it. Like my prepaid load expires just when I need it most, life and death can be a check that bounces off the bank and you are suddenly sank.

But you know what? I think the saddest thing in life is to die… while you live.

After a week of work, I think I am starting to be fine with the new playground I have. The fact that indeed, there are many people to share the sandbox with is starting to be fine. It’s all sinking in slowly and I am taking my time, almost savoring every moment of it.

It has been very interesting, and for what it is worth, PM is always on her toes. All of a sudden, an enigma appeared -  and when there is a ball of yarn, of course, the Musang will play.

My blogging has been affected adversely by work though. My bloghopping was reduced to none at all and I thank my friends who still visit me even when I am an absentee blog friend.  A few more days and I am sure our regular programming will return to normal.

So far, the good news is, PM is smiling again – and a big one at that.

Ever since the jurassic period, PM was never great at socializing.

When I was a kid, I so sucked at it that my classmates bullied me to death, well at least to the death of my interpersonal and trusting skills.

Now that PM is working, sharing the sandbox with other people in the playground is an asphyxiating task that can sure leave even Poppeye the sailorman burdened.

It has only been a week though. I sure hope I can get over my Asperger’s issues or else.

My day was 50-50. No, not dying, though I wish someone died today. LOL. I was happy and annoyed, contented and disgusted, giddy and nauseous. Whew, can you imagine feeling all those at the same time? LOL.

However, I am ready to conclude that my day was great and forget all the hassles because my creative swap loot bag arrived today all the way from Japan, and of course, my partner was caryn! Thank you so much for the wonderful gifts that I enjoyed so much.

Creative Swap Loot

Fun gifts from caryn! Thank you so much!

The knot bag was so cute I used it immediately when I went to FairyGodMommy Fe's birthday bash tonight.

I shared the snacks with my Man and Ched. We had so much fun sampling them.

Participating in the creative swap made me appreciate blogging even more. It is such a wonderful experience to relate to fellow bloggers on such a different level; it is so much fun! I am looking forward to the next roundm, especially that piapot is also joining.

Also, today is FairyGodMommy Fe’s birthday. Happy birthday Mommy! I wish you all the best in life and I love you so much!

PM is a very busy girl because school is about to start tomorrow. My thoughts are scattered in a thousand pieces, if not a bazzilion pieces.

I am back in the hospital because my new job description is clinical instructor. However, I still have classroom subjects, and I think I will enjoy that slight diversity, or it can kill me because I have so many things to do.

I have been seeing my new work area. I think it has caused my Asperger’s to hit its peak. Either I die of a heart attack or they die from a wild Musang attack. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. The heart attack sounds better.

I know I am not making any sense because I am clouded and asphyxiated but I’m keeping it cool.

Hit back at you when I’m normal again. I mean, normal on my standards.

PM is petrified at the site of kids.

There is really no rhyme and reason in trying to put together PM and small children. There is something about the way they stare, the way they talk, the way they move that makes me squirm. Clearly, I cannot understand them.

I remember going to church with my sisters and sitting on a row that has empty seats. Three giddy, tiny kids sat next to me and I just felt horror sinking on my stomach. Luckily, they left after a minute or two. They must’ve felt my shivering frame and got scared.

After the mass piapot told me, she and my two other sisters were also horror struck when the kids sat next to me, but in a different way – they wanted to tell the kids with urgency, “Run, run! run for your life!”

Yesterday, PM was being a good nurse and spreading the word against A(H1N1) since there has been confirmed cases here in our province. I had to speak to so many kids, interrupt their classes and conduct health teaching sessions.

When I entered the first room, the kids were silent and staring. I wanted to pass out. But I can’t so I proceeded with what has to be done, over and over, room after room, with kids ranging from 4 years old to 12.

Normally I should be dead by now. But what do you know? I am not and I actually enjoyed talking to them this time. It is indeed very surprising, albeit a little disturbing too. But I guess, it is because of the quality of the kids I was with yesterday. I never thought I would say this in my entire life but they were ‘perfect little angels’. Hmmm… I think it has a lot to do with the fact that they go to a private school that really focuses on their proper growth and development. I should know, my FairyGodMommyFe runs and owns the school.

I guess what I am trying to say is I really had fun with the kids yesterday. Because of that, I think I should check out if pigs has grown wings by now.

While elementary students have been terrorizing teachers for a week now, high school in private institutions will only be beginning tomorrow. That spells doom for my youngest sister, Kulot, who has been lousily counting off hours till she wakes up everyday at the glorious hour of 5 AM.

It has been my pledge to wrap my siblings’ books every year just before they hit school. It is probably one of the most fun bonding activity we do that is productive, compared to playing on-line MMORPG. LOL. What we do is look for fun ads on magazines, wrip the page up and cover their textbook with it before putting on plastic.

I did this way back my high school days and I discovered it is a very fun and creative way to invite motivation to bring my books, much more read them, because they look very sassy and attractive. In fact, ‘decorating’ books this way was so fun that when I entered the university, my classmates would do the same until it became a trend.

However, this afternoon while I was getting busy with Kulot’s books, a very interesting set of pieced together ads captured my attention.

The front of the ads look very cute.

However, when you flip it over, it gets really disturbing.

Looking at the taped images of Gandhi and an FHM model was way beyond weird.  I was just glad I did not misplace the front from the back or else.

I bet students will be ‘very motivated’ if their book covers looked like this though.

Speaking of which, I was wondering what happened to debates that were stirred by the Reproductive Health Bill in the past about including sexual education classes for students?

From my standpoint, if taught properly, this additional load has the potential to empower the young and give them better options and enhanced awareness. However, if it is mishandled, I think it will only invite students’ curiosity to try a practical test.

At the rate things are going, when talk about sexuality is as taboo as talking about death, I think it is going to be a long, long way.