Prinsesa’s Anatomy

Suffering is optional. Happiness is a choice.

I just returned from a spiritual retreat and to say I feel great is an understatement. I feel transformed, reborn.

I discovered a lot, why I am carrying so much emotional baggage, and why I allowed myself to carry them in the first place. I guess I reached a point where everything just got too heavy I was stuck.

But not anymore.

I realized that holding on to pain is like having one hand in between the jaws of a shark, while on the process, your other hand still continues to pet the shark.

It was a very painful process, the retreat, but feeling all the pain – embracing the pain till I bleed, and knew every single aspect of that pain- has led me into acceptance that cleared my mind and helped me see what mattered most – that there are more important things than pain, or holding on to someone’s guilt.

Clearly, there is no use for negativity in one’s life – for if you are filled with it, you are not allowing any space for beautiful things to come. If we fill our hands with so much baggage, we would not have any more free for new, worthwhile ones to be picked up.

Most importantly, if we are unhappy, we suffer, and the worst part is, the people who love us are also unhappy, and suffering.

It may sound very pious, but really, all we need to do is to let go and let God.

Kulot went away for an overnight youth camp in the Diocese yesterday to serve as a facilitator for the new participants. I really cannot imagine her being a religious mut. It just feels so weird. LOL.I wonder how she prays for them?

I really don’t know. But no matter how surprising, I am glad she has various opportunities to develop herself.

When they say ‘laughter is the best medicine’ they weren’t joking at all. It is proven scientifically that being happy affects the body positively in so many ways, contrary to stress states when the body secretes hormones like cortisol that suppresses our immunities, plus being happy, or just smiling, is easier to do.

However, what makes men and women laugh are also proven scientifically to be very different things. Women prefer what you may call ’smart jokes’ whereas men would laugh till they drop with slapstick humor. Usually, what women will find dangerous, offending, or a medical emergency is what men considers as ‘funny’.

As I was reading through an old Reader’s Digest issue I found lying somewhere in the house, I found two interesting jokes that sure made me laugh – and yes, these two are more of the smart jokes.

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister are in a boat out in the middle of a lake. The priest says, “I’m thirsty. I’m going to get something to drink.” So he steps out of the boat, walks across the water to shore, gets a soda, walks back across the water and gets back in the boat.

The minister syas, “I’m thirsty too.” So he walks  acrossthe water to shore, gets a soda and walks back to the boat.

The rabbi says, “My turn.” He gest out of the boat and immediately sinks.

The priest turns to the minister. “Think we should’ve told him where the rocks were?”

Second one:

A priest, a rabbi and a minister decide to see who’s the best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.

The priest begins. “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

they both looked down at the rabbi who is wrapped in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

-Both submitted to RD by Rabbi Sandford Kopnick, The Valley Temple, Cincinnati Ohio

Have a nice day everyone and produce tons and tons of happy hormones!

Opting not to open my blog was the sacrifice I chose to do this lent [My Man would not allow me to fast on food because he is some sort of hypochondriac towards me]. My sister piapot ditched her phone while Kulot tried so hard to not watch Pokemon. My cousins, Kuya Alex MD, spends his lent break not on a break but on duty in the far flung area of Mindoro, while his brother, Engr. Kuya Nap, spent his day off on Good Friday not on day off but in the network office to fix things for all our cellular phones.

After a few days of sacrifice, I learned that it is very hard to give up things that I wanted to do – the normal routine for me was to check my blog upon waking up and to not be able to do that all of a sudden took a lot of mind bending.

The good thing was that it did not kill me so Happy Easter everybody!

Easter is one of my most favorite holidays not really because of the eggs but because of what it means to my faith. The idea that there will always be a resurrection – from all things dark – gives me peace and courage… especially that I am coming out of a loss of my beloved Cook, who is now having his ears happily scratched by the Alpha Cat up in the sky. Just knowing that Cook is in a better place now lightens my chest, because I can sure tell you that it hurt like hell.

But I am happy now. I think I am starting to accept the reality of things that Cook has now moved on, though without me, I am sure he is a very happy cat with lots of tuna to eat there.  I guess sometimes you really need to let go. Being the fighter that I am, letting go is never a part of my vocabulary, but now I understand that a good fighter must now when to fight but a better fighter must know when to let go.

I am dead sure Cook is having a new life up there, one that is better than we could both imagine.

This is Don Domeng's cactus that I watched blossomed a few weeks ago.

Over a few days, the bud was a beautiful flower.

It died yesterday, but the bud beside it also bloomed, like the cycle of life.

Peace to you all. Have a blessed Easter.

I went to church last night with my sisters. It turned out that yesterday marked the start of the 40 days of waiting for the actual lent, I’m not sure what really defines the 40 days, but there is a 40 days thing going on.

The priest said that after Ash Wednesday, the lent is indeed looming in. On that light, he asked if we are already hungry and fasting, or if we are still so full, both with food and with all the wants we fill our lives. He instructed people to fast -  to allow once body to be weak so you will feel a dire need for the word of God. That statement goes out to you joyfulchicken and your carnivore posse. LOL

I am not totally against the practice of fasting preached by the church – after all it is the church. But after the mass and before having dinner a strong thought occurred to me. Why would you choose to weaken your body for the Lord where you can strengthen it to do service for Him better?

***

For some reason, I thought about euthanasia last night while at the church too. Of course euthanasia is illegal – especially in a ‘traditional’ country like RP.

Interestingly, I thought about the legal Do Not Resuscitate or DNR order that a patient or the family of a patient have as a right. This can be asked to the attending physician by the patient and the physician cannot object. This is an order written on the chart of the patient, DNR meaning, once the patient goes into a sudden cardiac arrest nobody will do cardiopulmonary resuscitation to try to revive the patient.

A DNR order allows the patient to ‘go down’ without a fight, unlike what usually is the scenario in a hospital where endless CPR will be rendered first in a last ditch effort to save the patient.

To an extent, DNR is synonymous to euthanasia – mercy killing.

***

PM is still lethal today. I wonder when did weekends as rest stopped occurring for me?

I feel like a cat roadkill, a slave water buffalo, and a soldier ant with no rights.

As what my youngest sister Kulot says, I think I need a “power hug”.

At first I thought I’d title this post ‘PM Devirginized’ but I later decided to go against it because it sounded so scandalous – kids read this blog you know? LOL.

I’m back from Palawan everyone, my first travel via an airplane [would you believe I went to Tugegarao last year and rode a 13-hour straight bus ride?]. Thank you for all the love you’ve sent me even when I was not able to visit your sites, especially on heart’s day! Belated Happy Valentine’s everyone! I will be bloghopping soon, hopefully I would get updates on how you spent your heart’s day.

As for me, well, my Man and I were not together last Saturday because my flight got me back at around 11 PM, too bad it was so late, my Man was hoping he could see me that same night but, it’s okay, maybe we would make this week a week-long valentine celebration. LOL. Palawan was the best, but I still love it here at home of course, with my Jin. LOL.

Speaking of Palawan, OMG it was an amazing place – especially the Puerto Princesa Underground Cave or what is called the Subterranean River that finished first place on the first round of voting for the world’s new7wonders of nature. I am defintely campaigning for it so if you haven’t voted yet, please do! Worth it, worth it, worth it!

Palawan Subterranean Underground Cave Entrance

I have not seen all of the candidates yet but if you have been to the Underground Cave I know you will perfectly agree with me that it is definitely a wonder of nature – it was breathtaking! And when I say something is breathtaking, it truly is because I am not the type of person to go all exaggerated about this things.

Stalactites and stalagmites at the entrance!

The cave is about a two-hour bus ride from the city which is kind of long but definitely worth it. It is amazing how the landscape slowly shifts from commercial establishments into forest lands and huge marble mountains on the way to the cave. After the bus ride, you have to take a boat for about half an hour and that will take you to the shore of the underground cave.

Interestingly, while waiting for our boat ride, I decided to walk along the shores and wet my feet on the cold sea because it was freaking hot. As luck would have it, the stones on the shore were slippery so… PM tripped and landed on her hipbone, wetting her capris and getting them all dirty. LOL. It was not crippling though, thank God.

My mentor and her daughter who made the trip with me

That is an actual tree branch on the shore near the cave. It was so cool since it looked like a swing! From here you will need to walk, maybe a couple of meters or so and the amazing cave entrance will greet you next.

My friends on our way out of the cave

The tour of the cave is via a boat that can carry about 7-10 people and it will take you on a fascinating journey on one of God’s most wonderful creations. It is awfully dark inside the cave but the boat is accompanied by some sort of spot light so you can very well see the beauty of the cave and all the bats and swallows that call it home. The tour closes at around 6 PM because tons and tons and tons of those same bats fly out of there during that time – certainly not a wonderful treat if you are still inside the cave, maybe a good view outside, but inside? Maybe a nightmare.

The cave is completely navigable and has open ends on both sides about 42 kilometers long, claiming to be the world’s longest navigable underground cave, but the tour will only take you to about 1.2 kilometers inside the cave. I have not gotten our pictures inside the cave yet from my friend but I will make sure that I will be able to post it within the week so you will be able to see.

What is amazing about the underground cave apart from the obvious gigantic stalactites and stalagmites are the interesting rock formations inside. They are many but what I find most amazing is the place they call the ‘cathedral’ inside which houses a group of rock formations that takes statuesque form like that of the Nativity, the three Magi of Jerusalem, the Last Supper, the Virgin Mary, and in the middle of all these is a humongous stalagmite that looks like a melting candle. There was also one that resembled the face of Jesus Christ. OMG it was so amazing!

The trip costs around P1500 per person and you can easily avail of it on your hotels; they usually offer tour packages to their guests, but if there is none there are loads of people who will give you flyers on your way out of the airport and you can choose from there whether it be the Monkey Trail, Honda Bay, Tubattaha Reef or the Subterranean River – your choice.

The main commercial place of Palawan is Puerto Princesa City. It is not a big city, the fact I love most. It is quiet but very accesible, plus they have a very beautiful capitol compound that is made of marble from the outside up to the inside!

My friend Lexy and my mentor's daughter Charisse

I seriously think that Palawan is a very rich province, and I predict theirs will be a mega city way down anytime soon like Cebu and Davao. Foreigners frequent it and that line just to see their cave is unbelievable, so I think it’s all the way up for Palawan.

Tons of shiny marble inside the capitol building!

And oh, I almost forgot to tell you, the most interesting part of this trip to Palawan is that… I almost did not make it! LOL. Of course during that time it was no laughing matter because my friends needed to come to Puerto Princesa on the 11th because they were joining a press congress.

First was the fact that we went to the wrong terminal. LOL. We were at NAIA Centennial Terminal and upon checking-in we realized we were supposed to be at the new Terminal 3!

Next mishap was, our flight was booked on 9:40 AM at Philippine Airlines but it turned out that they overbooked! They told us that they are willing to house us at a hotel then they will give us a plane ride the next day. No way that’s going to happen! So my Mentor arranged for us and ‘aggresively negotiated’ with PAL supervisor that ended up with PAL buying us plane tickets in another airline, Cebu Pacific.

We thought it was going to be okay so we rested and waited at the departure lodge only to find out during boarding time that the plane we were about to ride was not going to Palawan but in Cebu! We all panicked because first of all, our luggages are already on that plane! My Mentor ‘more aggresively negotiated’ with PAL, this time with so much pressure since we wanted to fly so badly because we had a time to catch. It turned out that My Mentor, the people of Cebu Pacific, and PAL had a miscommunication. We really were hopping on that plane to Cebu and from there we will get a connecting flight via Cebu-Palawan. So, PM was also able to go to Cebu. LOL.

In Cebu, it was again another comedy of errors. When we arrived, check-in time for the Palawan trip was over and we were again stranded. So another ‘aggressive negotiations’ transpired and we ended up inside that plane to Palawan.

Whew! That was such a headache! By the time we reached Palawan it was already 5 PM, to think we were supossed to be there at around 11 AM! Oh well, thinking about it just made the trip more itneresting, and a memorable first. But the best part was that my friends won on the press congress the attended! Yey!

OMG. After that Palawan trip I am now convinced tha really, you never forget your first time.

Guro. Even the way the word rolls in my mouth brings me such a joy.

The whole family and I went to church yesterday evening, well minus piapot because she came home late doing some work at the university. Here in our place, it is common to see whole families hearing mass together, especially during Sunday mornings. We used to attend the Sunday morning mass, but since we are very busy and our workload extends up to Saturday evening, it was so hard to wake up early Sunday! LOL.

Last night’s homily talked about God teaching in the temple. It was  said that God taught with authority, unlike the scribes during that time, and He taught that way because he had pure heavenly wisdom.

Day after day, before I step in the classroom to teach my students, I say a silent prayer for guidance. I pray that I be made an instrument of God’s love for my students.

Each time I taught, it was successful because I am able to hold my student’s attention, and when they take their exams, they ace it. Right off the bat, I knew I  had authority that springs from a humble heart of service, and I feel God has been answering my prayers each time I taught, because I feel He has been endowing me with his pure heavenly wisdom.

One of my instructors told us that once God decides you will be a teacher, you cannot escape it no matter where you run. I laughed silently because I felt that I should have known better.

When I was younger, Mother Goose and My Mommy Fe (Mother Goose’s sister) urged me time and again to take up education as my college course just like them because I had the gift. But I brushed their advice aside and took up nursing. I did not feel any calling from nursing. It was just that I did not know what I wanted and the best logical course to take that time proved to be nursing.

But look at me now!

I ended up still a teacher – and I am loving every single second of it! In retrospect, I find that God’s wisdom is all over my life, driving me towards this course of career.

Summer last year, I was supposed to take the nursing state board but failed to do so because of the Northcap review center scam, which seemed to have been forgotten these days by the way. Since I was not able to take the state board, I can’t work, or even  volunteer because I do not have a license. That was when I decided to  return to the university.

It was perfect timing that the university where I finished my nursing degree was opening a new course that time of the year – the Certificate of Teaching Program, where they offer all professional graduates 36 units of Professional Education subjects. So instead of being idle at home, I enrolled myself without much idea as to what will happen between me and the course.

The rest of course is summarized by the words “Ma’am PM”.

I cannot describe how I feel, each time I would be teaching, each time I would see my students laugh or hear them call me Ma’am, especially when they see me outside of the university and appear so excited. I cannot explain why, despite the hard work of making detailed lesson plans, numerous teaching materials, and a number of quizzes everyday I still look ahead smiling and wishing for more work like this to do for me. Each time I see my students understand, I feel like I have just received tons of roses.

PM is a very thankful, blessed girl just being able to do all these. And please pray with me that after I finish this course on March 25, I will find an immediate job so I can continue ASAP being Ma’am PM, and an RN at the same time since the results of the November state board has not been released yet. But honestly, I feel God’s presence, telling me to keep my peace of mind because He will take care of everything.

As of now, I am keeping my focus because my students need me, and I am very glad in turn, to be there for them.

Guro. Even the way the word rolls in my mouth brings me such a joy.

It is finally done.

After almost a year of heartbreaks, disappointments and trials, I was finally able to take the November 2008 Licensure Examination for Nurses last weekend, Nov. 29 and 30. I can still feel all the stress steaming out from my body to this time, my heart pounding like mad, maybe even more than the time I was actually holding and answering the exam.

Of course you know I was part of the Northcap review center scam and was not able to take the licensure last June. Funny, but during that time I knew I wanted to take the board because I believed I would have passed it but after some time and now that I am done with it, I am really unsure and completely anxious about the results. I don’t know about the others but the exam was not easy for me. There were concepts I really did not know, some I know but forgot already. I did my best in trying to guess though! LOL.

Prior to the exam, I was praying so hard, and even made special petitions to miraculous figures in the church like to Our Lady of Manaoag in Pangasinan, to our patron here Sta.Catalina of Alexandria, and to the Black Nazarene in Quiapo.

The family in Our Lady of Manaoag, Pangasinan

Piapot with religious statues

For what it’s worth, I can truly say that the road to the nursing boards was definitely a very spiritual experience for me. Each time I went to these churches and prayed, I knew I felt God’s presence. It was weird but I remember wanting to cry so bad each time because I felt so warm inside, especially when Piapot offered a mass for me in the church of Sta. Catalina which I did not know, once I heard my name I wanted to cry so much, for no reason actually. In Quiapo, there were so many making petitions for the boards too. I know so because once the blessing after mass came, they were raising their envelopes and pencils.  It was hair-raising, such faith.

Each time I would think about it, I want to pass the board exam not really for myself but for all the people who were there to help and support me. Maybe there are many examinees who deserved to pass more than me because they are smarter and reviewed more, but the people around me who gave all their unconditional love and support definitely deserved not just to pass but to be number one in the boards. So I am praying big time that all their efforts will not go to waste.

My mother and father are most supportive I do not know what I’ do without them! A day before the exam, Mother Goose and I, together with her former student Dc. Ana and my cousin Jun, tried to locate my testing center. It was funny because we had realy no idea where it was but we still went and had fun trying to find it! When it was exam time, Don Domeng was making fun of it, diffusing my anxiety, plus, April, my former classmate who was also taking the exam said he was handsome! LOL. 

Kuya, my uncle, who I know is a very busy man, most probably dropped all his appointments to drive for us to the testing center to and fro. He could’ve made us commute but he kept on picking me up and waking up at dawn with us too to drive me there even when he was barely able to sleep the night before. Piapot, together with my very good friend and boss Remuel, went to a pilgrimage the same day of the board exam, hiking a 7.5 km mountain while praying all the while that I pass the exam. She said while they were climbing and praying the rosary, it was very hard unlike the last time because they felt so heavy, like they are carrying something heavy with them. She told me last night she felt as stiff as a robot after the climb and down.

Mommy, my aunt, and Kulot also went with me during the exam. When I said the board exam was difficult, Kulot told me if I fail she will go in hiding with me to Abra then come back when people have forgotten about it LOL! My man was so anxious weeks prior to the exam. He would remind me always to shade my set and keep my focus. I remember him telling me to not be nervous because he is already double nervous for us. He kept on going to church and during the exams he kept on telling me he was praying for me.

I knew many of my friends and all the people we know prayed for me, and are still praying for me. So many people love me I am such a blessed girl! Thank you so much for everything! Thank you everyone, thank you!

Hmmm… come to think about it now, with all the love I received, come what may, I feel I am already number one.

Hey everybody it feels great to be tapping at this space again! I’ve been away for so long!

Anyway, thank you for all the love you continue to give me even in my absence. Thank you for still dropping by and waiting patiently for my update and for the comments, and keep them coming!

I would also like to ask for your prayers because tomorrow is the big day. You know… so please pray for me big time. My family and my friends have been praying and making all sacrifices thinkable, my Man is also doing the same thing. Please, please include me in your prayers, same as my batchmates too, because I have no intention to let everybody down.

I have so much to tell you because of everything that has happened while I was away and not  blogging, and you won’t believe how cute Jin has gotten these days! So fat! LOL! I promise to post pictures very, very soon. I will resume my normal blogging activities on Monday and that includes making a round on your pages which I missed so much! I guess bonds made through the blogosphere are not that shallow as many outside of it claim. Looking forward to reading your updates everyone!

To everybody who posted a comment on my last post, Babe&Babe MMORPG version, thank you guys, my Man sure enjoyed reading all of your comments and it really makes him happy I tell you. Well, to update you about how we are doing in the world of ROSE, pretty well actually, we are nearing to reach the maximum level one can achieve which is level 210. You won’t believe how cute the costumes are at higher levels! I am kind of unsatisfied still though because there are items that are available only at the game’s item mall which you can only purchase through a credit card which I don’t have apparently so if there is anyone out there who is willing to buy me the wings I want just tell me fast it is less than Php500 and you will definitely make me a very happy girl! LOL. Oh, just in case you want to see and check the game out, the site is linked there all you have to do is register and download the game. See you there!

OMG I never thought I missed  blogging this much! I guess I was just preoccupied with review classes and graduate school and of course, the online game takes a lot of commitment that my hiatus from this site was inevitable. But thank you everyone for waiting and I am definitely back.

By the way, I went to my testing center today and passed by Quiapo church of the Black Nazarene before going home. It was a very spiritual experience. Once I stepped inside I felt like I wanted to cry so much! During the blessing after mass, there were so many who were raising their envelops and pencils that they will use tomorrow. It was hair-raising, such faith. I am quite relaxed now but please, please continue ti pray for me as I take one of the milestones in my life tomorrow.

See you all very soon!

My stomach hates me. And it’s not because I’m down with diarrhea at present.

I’m a bad ass when it comes to dietary habits. Long ago, I’ve come at peace with the fact that there is a great, humongous chance that I might as well die of colon cancer.

One, I’m a meat eater and frankly, I’ll never be friends veggies because really, having leaves on my mouth gives me an awful feeling of being transformed into a rabbit; and two, my eating pattern is next to horrendous because as frequent as it could get, I usually eat on the wrong time, like when my stomach lining had already been burned by stomach acid and my tummy is already screaming curse words at me.

The story here was last lent. Apart from not touching the computer and raping the internet yet again, I decided I wanted to fast. My first attempt was on Maundy Thursday, but I only lasted until lunch because I forgot I didn’t eat anything the night before so around 1:00 PM my head was swirling and I swore I was seeing things. The next go I had with fasting was on Good Friday and I was doing pretty good skipping breakfast and morning snack but the devil paid me a visit at lunch time. We had steamed shrimp at the table and when my sister told me about it my mouth watered my shirt was almost drenched! It was a tough temptation and I figured, really not only does temptation take the face of beautiful things, it also come with the delicious, damn it!

But I had to stay strong!

On the table, when my sister saw me missing, she came to me at the room, then finding me trying my fucking best to divert my attention in watching Coffee Prince on DVD and not on steamed shrimp. She told me it was shrimp (Oh the temptation! It’s killing me!), and I firmly said I’m not eating because I am fasting. My sister told me suspiciously, “Be sure it’s because of lent and not an attempt to kill yourself.” Oh man.

Needless to say, I made it. I was still alive though I haven’t eaten anything. And seriously, next time lent comes, I think I’ll find some other medium of fasting, I’ve had enough with abstaining from food, I found that it sucks so much until now I’m having stomachaches and it’s already been two weeks!

Really, fasting. Dead. I’m dead.