I am currently in love with Jason Mraz’s song titled ‘A beutiful mess’. I so love the lyrics. I am a lyrics person. No matter how catchy the melody is, if it talks about non-sense, it is never going to work for me. I have the same principle when it comes to people too.

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My sisters and I went to church this early evening. I liked the homily. It talks about knowing what matters most. I think it is an important virtue that most people take for granted in this generation, that is why amidst all the comforts, many still end up being unhappy. I guess no matter how much material things you have, it can never really give that elusive satisfaction, because for one, salaries cannot hug you, same goes with other related stuff.

Similarly, it always makes me hurt a lot, when I realize I am taking for granted the people who love me, like when I get preoccupied with work or with the various stresses that occupy my hair. I really try to make a conscious effort to make those important to me feel that they really are important. But it can be hard to focus on what matters most when there are a bazillion unimportant things that practically fly to your face every five minutes. I guess that is a part of what makes love special, all the effort it requires.

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Work and graduate school has been cruel lately. The Year of the Ox forecast for me proved to be so true, not that I take it seriously though, but I think I have worked my cute ass off this year to the point my other muscles and bones are starting to fall apart one after the other. I am so looking forward to the Christmas break, if this goes on any longer, I am sure it is I who will definitely break apart. I guess the only good thing is that I am not yet sad, I am still trying to be positive amidst all this. LOL. Wish me luck.

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I would also like to include in this post my entry to kg’s blog contest.

My three favorite places:

1. Balanga City, Bataan. I know the city has been rising to popularity lately because of the recent 5th Philippine Bird Festival, but to me, Balanga holds most of the wonderful experiences life has thrown at me. Even when I do not really live here, I can say that this is were I grew up.

2. Puerto Prinsesa, Palawan. This is actually the first place I’ve been to by air. The best thing about Palawan to me is the underground river. My jaw was practically open the whole time I was inside. It is also the first time I really felt that ‘traveler’ bug.

3. Tugegarao City. I am not sure how I will explain this one. I like it because I had the most horrible experience going there, on a crowded bus, uncomfortable and dying for 13 hours straight. It is the reason why this place is stucked on my mind. The horror! LOL. But it makes for good conversation. But I am not coming back there by land, ever.

Three places I dream of going to:

1. London. Kulot and I badly want to catch the next Olympics here. I sure hope that will be a reality.

2. Greece. I have always been fascinated by Greece. I actually like a lot about the country: I like the literature, I like the architecture; it just seems like a wonderful place that is full of culture. One day!

3. Bohol. One reason: tarsier.

A couple of nights ago, I saw a ten-minute fireworks display. I was alone at our second floor veranda, smiling to myself while watching the darkness split open by wonderful, wonderful patterns of light.

I had always loved fireworks – somehow, they seem always rather unexpected, beautiful but unexpected, and hearing them explode and rip the night sky apart just causes a surge of adrenaline to my system.

My eyes feast as I see them, one after the other, come into being and be amazing fiery things for a couple of seconds, sometimes a little more, breaking the stillness of the night, and in an instant be gone with only a little trace of smoke to mark its short existence.

I like watching fireworks because they teach me a lot of things: that darkness can hold surprises, the most beautiful only during the darkest; that sometimes, things must be unexpected – and short – to be more meaningful; that a little smoke can be enough to remember a glorious moment; and that in many instances, even a split second can hold many wonders.

It feels like I have this huge skeleton helmet on my head, wrinkling my whiskers from time to time.

I have known myself for so long that I completely understand why things happen to me over and over again – and it has nothing to do with my repetitive behavior secondary to Asperger’s.

I am hard headed. I am practically one of the most stubborn people in the world. Wait, I am not stubborn – I am right.

Having this in mind, life practically knocks itself out in trying to give me a good whack. You know, it is really simple: when things happen to us every other day, it is all because what we are supposed to learn from it, we still miss. It is all really pretty much like a classroom lesson.

Here is a list of stuff I know I should know but doesn’t:

1. Patience is a virtue. [That I am trying to learn since Day 1. I don't think it will work anytime soon... but I am trying, okay?]

2. There is a right time to be and not be aggressive. [Try learning that if you are catty.]

3. Giving up and moving on can sometimes be a good option. [I have always thought that you have to fight for what you want; but sometimes a good claw scratching can also get old and tiring.]

4. There is really no need to fix everything. [I am tired of being a control freak. I want peace of mind. I think I need to be brave, and to trust that things have a way of finding their own places... sometimes.]

5. Hurt is not an end in itself but a sign. [My friend once told me that when we hurt, it is because we know the right thing to do but refuse to do it.]

Oh yeah, keeping it cool

I really need to get my nails cut.

If there is one known parameter in the world that would tell me I am hell busy, that would be the presence of my overgrown nails – that is the ultimate signal that I am slaving to the point of neglecting my body. I realized the fact only because my BIOS-325 class this morning was discussing about the Integumentary system.

When I was younger, I have always believed those who have said that growing up was so overrated and there was nothing that brought more joy in the world than studying – it is practically the easiest life ever. If I believed in the past, now I completely understand why. LOL.

My teaching load for this semester is unbelievable – four major subjects to begin with. How do I manage to breathe right? I really don’t know, maybe I should always check myself in the mirror – I maybe cyanotic for all I know. LOL.

But the good part is that I am licking my fur, practicing my perfected deep breathing techniques, and sure as hell is trying to be above all this in a calm manner, keeping it cool. It may be some form of miracle, but I am glad the old cabbage is sorting everything out just in time, though I sure hope I could get more rest.

No matter how embarrassing, I admit to feeling so low when I get tired that sometimes I reach a point where I ask myself if all this is worth me dying young. LOL. But after a good glass of agua and a little sit down, here I go again. I guess life is really mystifying this way.

However, you will be glad to know that the peach tree story has shown signs of sinking in. Amidst the chaos, I feel I have been successful in trying to take things one day at a time – that may just be the secret to what little sanity I have left.

Plus, I can always get free banana splits from the Hotel and Restaurant Management department during their laboratory days (Thanks Sir Reggie).

I think I will be fine. Well, after I get my nails cut, that is.

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Photo from google search

There was a cat who loved a ball of yarn so much. The ball of yarn was more than tuna fish cakes for the cat, brought even more pleasure than ear scratches; it was like cat morphine.

The cat wanted the ball of yarn more than anything in the world. The cat would spend all energies on the ball of yarn – played with it, hugged it during sleep; basically, it was like the ball of yarn was an extension of the cat and life was good.

The cat was so consumed by the allure of the ball of yarn. Until one day, the cat tripped, and for the first time, the cat noticed that the ball of yarn was already a different thing. It was not a ball anymore but a whole mess of tangled and loose threads wrapped in and all around like some crazy net… and it hurt the cat.

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No. Jin did not suddenly decide to dye his hair black. The photo ’s from google search.

When I see something interesting, I have this habit of writing it down. Recently, I was going through my phone’s draft folder and found this thought by Sigmund Freud:

Human beings are funny. They long to be with the people they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized or even worse, returned. But one thing about human beings that puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be remotely connected with their object of affection even if it kills them slowly within.

It is a disturbing thought, however, it is also very true – tension of opposites, remember? But what I find most interesting about human beings is this: even when we are undoubtedly flawed, sometimes crazy, and most times cowardly, we still manage to overcome all of these and thrive.

Looks like Milan, doesn't it?

I have always thought that enrollment in big universities were supposed to be a breeze. Well, at least that was what I thought up until yesterday. See, I have submitted myself for yet more torture to pursue higher education by taking up graduate studies (somehow saying that does not still feel quite right, LOL!) I was officially enrolled yesterday in the country’s catholic university.

It was almost going well up until step 3 where I am supposed to have my subjects encoded that it all went crazy. Apparently, the oracle system was eating my record, refusing to accept me as a new student, but what was appearing from the registrar was that I am an old student from the conservatory of music!

But instead of transforming into a decepticon, when the clerk asked me about it I just could not help but laugh a hearty one, because of all errors in the world, me in the conservatory of music was just hilarious – I am born tone deaf. Major LOL!

When I told Sir Job and Echo , my wonderful, wonderful friends who were with me yesterday (thank you very much for looking after me!) they also burst out laughing!

For what it was worth, at least for a day I was a music goddess. But still, please don’t ask me to sing.

Enjoyed till I burst

I just received my creative swap loot bag yesterday from Leah. It came all the way from Canada in a red box with the word “enjoy!” written on top. Sorry, but I think it did not do the package justice. Instead, I think it should’ve been “have fun till sunshine burst out of your ears!”.

Thank you very much Leah, for all the effort, thought, and creativity you have put in this package. I definitely felt all the love that came with it. I was like a little girl bouncing in excitement as I opened the parcel and unwrapped them piece by piece. I especially loved the princess mints and saucer, and the key chains too. She also sent me a couple of paper cranes that her hubby made! It was so cool it could’ve frozen hell over. LOL.

I was not the only one who received a gift yesterday though, for I have also given my Man two handmade clay polymer key chains (they are really wonderful, you should also order yours from Cheryl Abrigo; comes cheap too) last night, for being such a wonderful Babe.

Wow, all these gift talk makes me crave for Christmas more and more!

The first chapter of Neil Gaiman’s latest best seller, The Graveyard Book (thanks for the copy Babe!) is titled ‘Why Nobody Came to the Graveyard’ – obviously that is an antithesis to how most of us flocked graveyards last Halloween to remember our dead.

I read somewhere that it is funny, how relatives come together every All Saint’s Day, in a sort of reunion, and all the catching up and snacking covers the fact that most of the people around that grave knows very little about the person lying six feet below.

But I think what is more interesting is finding your departed loved one’s grave flocked with a different set of people, a day after All Saint’s Day – just like what happened to me and my family when we visited our grandparent’s burial last Monday.

It was very movie-like: we came exhausted all the way from a neighboring province; I was carrying this wonderful flower arrangement of white chrysanthemums and orchids, and as we approached the grave, it was obvious that a lot of people were gathered there, not noticing us that we just caught each other in deep surprise as our gazes locked.

It could’ve been fine, it was not as if they were another family of my grandparents -  if only they were not using our grandparent’s grave to play Bingo, which they most certainly did, that they were like mice scrambling all around upon seeing us. Apparently, they were from the grave opposite ours and it so happened that ours has more shade from the big tree near it.

It was customary, to pray upon being there right? Instead, because of the Bingo thing, the first thing I said was “Lolo, sinong nanalo [Who won in the Bingo, grandfather]?

‘Realization’ is one of my favorite words.

I totally agree with Freud when he postulated that the human subconscious is way larger than we think. I am always surprised when I find out things that has always been at the back of my mind, or when I finally realize emotions I have had since day one.

It is truly interesting how we always tend to know what we are supposed to know, give or take a trigger or a little stimuli for us to be conscious about it. It is as if everything is out there, so ‘obviously hidden’ from our sight till the last two minutes of the ball game.

Maybe that is why I have quite interesting views when it comes to ‘looking’.

Sometimes, we need to open our eyes, to see. But other times, I have found out, we cannot trust what we see that there is always a need to close our eyes and go by how we feel. However, by feeling, in the dark, it can be hard to truly comprehend what we are supposed to see, because literally, we are blind.

But in the end, I guess the point is, there really is no reason to look for something – all we really need is to look.