I just came back from the Developmental Council – State Universities and Colleges Region III annual Cultural and Literary Festival. I was the representative of my state university on the essay writing category of the event, and I must say, every damn minute I stayed there in Zambales to compete was a well minute where I could’ve well died.
To begin with, the topic given to us was something I’m very much indifferent with. It started with Jun and ended with Lozada. Ack! I’m a college senior how on Earth can anybody expect me to care about Jun Lozada and massive corruption in the country when I have cases to complete and innumerable requirements to accomplish? God, it was unbelievable, when the panel of judges blurted the topic, I think I fainted for about 30 seconds… Don’t worry much though, I still won, third place, not bad for somebody who probably vomits each time I’d get glimpses of the Senate probe on TV. Yuck.
But prior to the announcement of winners, the pressure to make it suffocated me on a 200 degree-Celsius scale! See, with the other events in that whole competition, the winner was announced right after the contest, except for the writing categories, which translates to, every fucking hour, people around me were celebrating already because they already won whereas I on the other hand was sulking at a corner wondering if the judges would even manage to decipher my handwriting. It felt like I was fainting each time somebody from one corner of the room would erupt into applause to congratulate someone. Jesus Christ.
But you know what, when I was chosen to be part of that competition, I knew that I just had to win. One, I just came from a horrible loss in the last press congress, me practically totally helpless in defending my silver Luzon-wide crown, that was really, really hard to swallow; two,I did’t want my coach to just clap for other winners and just hand me a tap in the back telling me, at least I fought, that would be disastrous; and three, I overheard that one instructor from our university approached the Director of our contingent and in her most friendly and curious self, inquired why I was the one chosen to be the participant for the essay writing contest. She said I am EIC therefore, I have the most popular sumpa – meaning there’s no chance in heaven or hell that I’d win it for the school. But in reality, the fucking truth is, I was not even handpicked, for the Office of Arts and Cultural Affairs held an elimination amidst all the five campuses of the university and it was me, myself and I who won over them all to be the essay writing representative. But still, I just had to fucking win or else there’ll be a strong need for me to start digging my grave at our backyard and never to rise again for all perpetuity.
And I am really glad I won, although I’m aware that with my blunted affect it was hard to show. I was sick to my stomach because of all the stress and in the end, I made it, no matter how unexpected.