It is human nature, denial, when something threatens us.
My mother was out for a week due to tonsillitis. Well, I’m not really sure if it was just tonsillitis, because it looked like she had the flu at the same time. I was not able to take care of her though because I was staying at the dorm. But she’s fine now. Thank God.
When I came back home last Friday, she was still feeling off and was still having a hard time to speak and her neck was still a bit swollen. As a health care provider, I should have looked after her, made sure to attend to her needs since she is still trying to recuperate. But I did not.
I think what I did was some form of defense mechanism. Denial. That I did not like to see her sick. That I am not used to seeing her ridden in bed. That she was weak and can’t hardly speak, her usual loud voice that echoes around the house gone. She wasn’t cooking or running around the house doing chores. She was just sick in bed. It was even hard for her to eat.
I love my mother so much that my system shut off in reaction to her current state because it threatens me, that it worries me so much, that maybe if I didn’t pay attention to it, it will go away. It was funny because my mother told me my father was actually not paying enough attention to her sickness, or with her needs. I told her it was a defense mechanism. That he did not want her to be sick or stay that way, that he unconsciously pushes her to go back to her normal routines just so he’d be assured that she is okay. I guess that is a normal way to cope, no matter to which side it leans.
Yesterday my mother was able to get off the bed and shower and eat. Then she was ranting because my father was asking her to do her usual stuff and she says she is still sick. She was ranting that mothers have a lesser state than maids because at least maids get a day-off but mothers don’t. I told her it was her fault, it was her who chose the role.
And I am very thankful she did.
This morning she was able to go to church already, to go to the market, and cook. I guess she’s really okay now. And I’m glad. I guess I won’t mind hearing her loud voice very early in the morning. And in no time, I’m sure I’ll forget that she got sick and go back to thinking that she is wonderwoman that when she suddenly falls ill again, I’ll start to wonder again, mothers don’t get sick, do they?
Oh well, it’s just that when your mother is so amazing you can’t help but believe she is battery powered or something.