When I was still in college finishing my first degree, I kept a column for the paper titled ‘Prinsesa’s Anatomy’ – the same title carried by my blog. But when I returned to the university to get graduate education, I decided to change my column to ‘Going in Circles’.
One of my friends who was also an editor for the same paper was surprised when he saw it and told me, “Ay bakit hindi ka na Prinsesa [Why is is that you changed, and not a Princess anymore]?
I only answered with a smile. I though ‘Going in Circles’ was perfect and it did reflect what I was feeling for that particular time – that indeed, I was going in circles. I just graduated from college then two months after I was back again, a student again, writing again.
On it’s entirety it was not a bad thing – I just thought that well, I was going in circles. It was not regression though, because the PM who returned was more mature, a hell of a lot smarter and stronger. When it came to performance I was always progressive.
But some habits I had before I still kept on doing, did not change at all. I preferred it that way though instead of changing but only to go back again, with the question of a matter of time.
And that kind of thing is what I actually hate in life, in dealing with other people. I hate people who appeared to have changed but still time would prove otherwise and would revert back to old habits. Maybe that’s why you call them habits – they do not die easily, hard to shake off, and even when you think you have kicked them out they would hopelessly return. Instances like that annoys me so much. I hate inconsistencies. I hate irregularities. Maybe because I am a mind set kind of person. Once this is what I already saw, heard and have already experience, I would expect that time and again. I hate regressions.
But it is not to say that I do not have my moments. There are certain points in my life I cannot perfectly leave behind – especially the ones I felt gravely strong about. But I do not fool myself into thinking I am fine about it when I know I am not, so that is not really regression after all but letting go problems more aptly.
I think one of the many reasons why we end up in discord is because we tend to go on circles, even when we know we are better off traversing a straight path.
We never learn.