Gray Areas

If there was one thing that PM has always hated, it has been ambivalence.

In matters that has concerned me personally, I saw to it that everything was either a yes or a no – that was how I operated, and operated well I did. To be able to function properly, it was imperative that my disposition towards things was clear and strong. It gives me purpose and focus. This was the philosophy behind the house that Musang built.

Barely half a month into my new work, I have probably felt a godzillion, bazillion times torn between liking my work and loathing it to death. I hate talking about work but it has been all that I’ve blabbed about in my past entries. Gray area much. Ugh. The indecision is killing me and the last time I checked, I am too young to die.

Wait. Let me rephrase that. Teaching I love. Office politics I hate. My salary I love. Dying of cancer because of stress I hate.

Okay. So there is a sense to this after all.

I think I should go and make more paper cranes before I pass out due to hyperventilation. Ack!

29 thoughts on “Gray Areas

  1. I hate office politics too because it oftentimes requires us to compromise on our principles and values. Thus, a lot of us try to learn as much as we can in the hope that someday, once we’re successful or stable enough to stand on our own, that we could set up our own business or practice that reflect our true values.

  2. hehe
    welcome to the real world, ika nga

    paminsan talaga magandang may prinsipyo at alam kung ano ang gutso
    para wakng gray areas
    pero in reality, mas madaming gray areas kesa prinsipyo

  3. ay naku. ang paper eh dumihan lang ng pusa. why don’t u get urself a dog or take on gardening catnips. chase mice on ur days off. pray.

  4. the number of chemical bonds formed by the atoms of an element were never intended to be static. still everyone believes the universe would be better being monovalent, if only for the predictability.
    or possibly multivalent, if the variables could be controlled.
    but in a world of ambivalence, dominated as such by free radicals, random things happen.
    it’s impossible not to care about ambivalence, howevermuch one protests otherwise.

    • i’m not sure i get this LOL i agree however about the fact that a tension of opposites really do exist.

      • i’m sorry pm. it might make vague sense to a chemist or physiscist, but mostly it’s a play on words built on nonsense. you know: monovalent, miltivalent and ambivalent; valence and atoms and electrons. i’m a nerd sometimes.

  5. Life is not something 100% sure.
    I don’t believe there’s a “yes” or “no” only.
    There are many variables and many hypothesis that should be considered and statistically speaking there’s not something 100% about life. Ok, I guess that only death is 100% but besides this, at first you may like or dislike something new, you may like or dislike someone new but and in the long run? Can you say for sure that you’ll keep your point of view for how long? People change, the way we think, interpret, evaluate and interact changes. We were born to change and change means possibilities which also means variability. This kills the “yes or no” only option.
    Think about it while folding cranes, I think it’s a good reflection.

  6. Such a life, huh?

    You’re making me confused, you’re teaching kids and do hospital works altogether? A hardworking person tends don’t die fast, they say. But that’s too much for me. Do you still have time relaxing or having casual dates with your man? Haha, hectic ka masyado.

    Take care yourself.

    • clinical instructor kasi ako so i have class sa campus and hospital duty with student nurses at the same time. toxic nga ako eh LOL my man has to put in a lot of effort to be with me these days he drives 30+ kms. to be with me twoce a week LOL thank you K, you too take care and enjoy the new apartment i wish i can visit it though LOL

  7. i think there are certain parts of life that will always fall in the gray area. some things are not absolute, like our emotions. so don’t be too hard on yourself PM. 🙂

  8. Ack, and same here, work too is for me a love-hate relationship…woohooo… salary? i don’t love it from the bottom of my heart but i just need it in order to survive…Goodluck to us!

  9. ganyan talaga. but if you observe, the gossip people have one thing in common – they’re afraid to lose their jobs. they haven’t explored other options and tend to decimate those they consider their rivals. walang confidence kaya ang liit ng mundo at nagagalit pag may mas mahusay sa kanila.

    ergo, huwag mong pansinin dahil mas mahusay ka sa kanila.

    • is this suppose to make me feel better? LOL hmmm.. siguro nga ganun natotoxic nga ako talaga eh asar nga eh.

  10. Paper Bag, your Highness. this reminds me do you know this billy joel song?

    “Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes
    Too high or too low there ain’t no in-betweens
    And if I stand or I fall
    It’s all or nothing at all
    Darling I don’t know why I go to extremes … “

    • LOL thank you so much. i am not familiar with the song and my speakers just broke so i can’t listen to it. the lyrics are lovely though.

  11. I have always believed that this life is all about dealing with the joy of stress and the joy of less 😉 Stagnation and boredom are evil !

  12. Blogging about work, inevitably, shows you’re currently too consumed by it. Let’s see your equation:

    + Loves teaching – Office politics = + Loves salary – Dying of cancer because of stress

    2 pos, 2 neg, life is fair isn’t it? =)

    Office politics will always be there. The greatest thing about this situation is you love what you are doing. To figuratively die because of stress? Well, that one you would learn to manage well eventually. That’s everywhere, too.

    Take care, PM!

    • i hate math LOL don domeng tells me the same thing, it will always be everywhere i guess i am just having adjustment issues. sigh.

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