The PM Abduction

PM’s missing.

These past few days, I have seen a tsunami of horror. If I know myself, I would say that I am more likely to die in the eve of a stress tsunami – I do not know how to swim after all. I could die easily… except that I am still alive.

It is really surprising, this state I am in at present. It is as if I am disconnected from who I am, like I am in a trance, or in a psychological coma of some sort. There are a lot of concerns around me, a lot of things that needs attention – sometimes solving – but it seems I am not bothered, like all the stress would just have to wait, or just leave if it cannot wait for me. It is as if I have slipped into an impenetrable bubble,  my eyes closed and my knees crossed in meditation. I am in awe of how I have behaved lately.

The normal me would have stressed and bitched out endlessly. My physical therapist should have numbed her hands in a futile quest to detoxify me of the various poisons on my world. The pain reliever bottle on my purse should have been empty for stopping my migraine attacks and I should be dying from asphyxia. But I am not. It feels like I am in a place where I am blinded with the brightest light and I cannot care less about all the troubles around me. Curiously, I have no idea why the sudden change of self.

Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me,  or if I am in a state of denial, or have I just lost it? It is like, amidst everything, I am fine, and dealing with things one at a time, on a level where there is ample space between me and the hungry dogs, and I am just able to keep on breathing properly in the face of the unthinkable depth of the stress tsunami. It is as if someone hit a button on my head and shut off the panic button – I cannot panic now – I have noticed I am also more patient, more accepting of myself and of the things that are happening to me.

But somehow I am alienated by the calm. I feel detached from who I am because of the solitude. It is like, there is something wrong because I am not able to react as much as I can to the things around me. It sounds insane right? Here I am, collected and composed and I am complaining about it.

Maybe I am just not used to being okay. That or I am scared I am unconsciously bottling everything inside and one day all of it would spill into an ugly, ugly mess.

I miss my neurosis.

20 thoughts on “The PM Abduction

  1. you described your experience really well and I felt like I felt the same when I read it 🙂 My un-expert sense would be to say that you have managed to cope with the stress in your own unique way 😉

    • i’m fine. yun nga eh nakakagulat that i am taking it easy! hindi ako sanay. ang bilis naman magwork ng mga sermon mo sakin.

  2. Hello PM…..This is a good stage in your life when you feel at peace with yourself and the rest of the world aound you. I’d say you have reached some point of “maturity” but don’t be surprised if sometimes you find yourself regressing hahahahah.

  3. for me, the best way to washes out stress is to have a proper 7-8 hours of sleep… it is somehow help you to forget everything…
    just live life to the fullest!!
    have a great day PM and happy blogging

  4. hmm..i just remembered the song “Swim” by Jack’s might as well try listening to it..and “Voice of Truth” too, by Casting Crowns..I really am not good at advising..though I think listening to music will be a relief and theraphy for all the bad things you’ve been experiencing.. 😀

  5. U wrote my heart out, evey word, I can empathise with you. I am going through the exact same thing dear! oh my this is freakish coincidence, I was about to write a post similar to this and u said my thoughts out into words.

    I am not sure whats and whys its like, but I believe tomorrow would be clear sunshine

  6. You’re in the transition period. Believe it or not, you’ve reached the other phase of growing up. But it will stabilize sooner or later, it will be a better you. Hugs!

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