You know what is the funniest thing when you have just committed that suicide move I mentioned yesterday? Your days become a roller coaster ride, where one day you are okay and the next you are totally trashed. It is the most extraordinary experience, as if you’ve become one giant ocean of hormonal imbalance. 😆
It’s okay though. I think one key to keep on moving forward is to just go through the motions regardless of how malleable and fragile it is. If one day you are sad, then be sad for that day; if one day you are feeling strong, then be strong for that day. There is no use fighting really, not only because you tend to be kind of weak after spending all your energy into one big skydive, but also because if you fight it, it comes harder!
But I’m still smiling. Things will get better in time for sure. 🙂 Part of me actually believes this experience is also a great opportunity to practice patience, or develop it as in my case. I have to be patient with myself, with everybody else, and with everything else that is involved in this process.
After all, I don’t need to rush. I have all the damn time in the world and I will use it the hell I want… like listening to some music! Sharing what I listened to today, people. Anything familiar to you?
What I Listened to Today #10: Better in Time
1. How to Save a Life by The Fray
2. Same Mistakes by Boyce Avenue
3. The Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore by James Morrison
4. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow by Amy Winehouse
5. Shadow of the Day by Linkin Park
6. What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts
7. I’m Like A Bird by Mathai
8. Closer (Acoustic) by Boyce Avenue
9. Red by Taylor Swift
10. State Of Grace (Acoustic) by Taylor Swift
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Photos taken from here.
Prinsesa's Anatomy 
basta may tinatawag akong me time. parang lately i just want to cry for the sake na maka-cry or matuto kaswi gusto ko lang matuto nang bago. wala na akong paki sa gastos basta itong moment na ito sa bagay na trip ko.
sa una parang walang kwenta at gastos nga pero sa huli na-realize ko lang ang gaan-gaan lang sa pakiramdam.
ganyan din ako hoshi. basta ikasasaya mo, sige lang, go 😀
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wow sarap ng kape ha. siya nga pala bakit di mo sinama ang “better in time” na song, hehehe. gusto ko ang #1,4,5,8 at ang title, hehehe.
salamat 🙂 that’s a nice song too.
PM, maybe I’m reading too much into the posts that you have recently generated, so forgive me if I am inaccurate with my present assertions. All of this suicidal ideology began to get me thinking about when I had suicidal thoughts. Now, I do not attempt to understand what it is that you might be going through right now. I am usually not this honest about my life, but I felt that perhaps this might hold some pertinence. I don’t know if you are thinking about such things, but, like I said, forgive me if I am wrong – or call me idiot, whatever works best for you!
When I was younger I went through a considerably dark time. I’ll spare you the details. On one occasion I tried to kill myself and I was stopped by someone who immediately provided me with medical attention. On another occasion I put myself in harm’s way. I needed an operation, and as with all operations there are risks, but potentially more so with this one. After hearing this, I immediately signed myself up for surgery, thinking that this would surely kill me. I did not look into a DNR form, and honestly, I doubt the Australian government would support such a thing. All I do know, is that the operation was somewhat successful and I lived to tell the tale.
I later sought out a man who was hailed as the best psychologist in the state, and he concluded there was absolutely nothing wrong with me – go figure!
I was never scared of taking my own life, and to this day I am not scared of death. Maybe I’m just ignorant. I am not scared of living either. In fact, to this day I believe that suicide is one of the most difficult feelings to describe. For me, I guess I was just tired; tired of pain, of certain people, et al.
I don’t know if I ever did ‘get over’ the suicidal thoughts, and maybe they are still subconsciously with me, but I guess for me, all I needed to move forward was a sound strategy. For me, I decided on a number of endeavours; I want to accomplish this, this and this, and I would like to complete them by these approximate dates.
I believe that a person can come up with a number of reasons to die. However, all you ever need is a single reason to live. Devote yourself to a task; an endeavour; a person, and if that falters, then devote yourself to something else. Life is not easy, and life is never without challenge. But to give up on living altogether, that is the most heinous crime of all.
Besides PM, on another note, I do enjoy reading what you write. If you suddenly disappear, whose blog am I going to read?
appreciate what you have shared, mr. childs, i really do. it’s interesting people have been opening up to me lately. i must have done something right to deserve your hearts! i’m so happy. 🙂
anyway, i can’t agree more with what you said. i particularly loved the bit about having many reasons to die but only one to live and you’ll be fine. for a lazy person like me, i reckon if i just continue living everyday, i’ll die eventually so maybe i don’t need to commit suicide after all 😆
seriously though i’m talking about metaphorical suicides; i use the word suicide to replace the corny leap of faith term. sometimes we do need to metaphorically kill who we are at present if it doesn’t make us happy anymore and we do this even if it will rock our world horribly. it’s necessary and despite the challenges associated with it, i believe we will benefit from it and like i always tell myself, everything will be alright. 🙂
thank you for your love for my blog. your patronizing ass is truly something 😆
That’s the spirit! Always look for a positive thing in every dark encounter.. At bakit ako napapainggles? Noooo!!! How to save a life ang medyo tumatak sa isip ko…
gusto ko ang kantang yan nakakaaliw 🙂 gusto kong isipin na positibo din akong tao pero minsan cynic ako tunay.
lahat naman ng tao ganyan… *search “cynic” sa dictionary*
oo.. lahat naman ng tao ay cynic… *search “tao” sa dictionary*
siguro kasi in essence eh mahirap ang buhay. kahit para maging masaya ka kailangan mong mageffort. pero okay lang kung anong negativity man ang meron sa isang pagkakataon eh lilipas din yun. walang hindi nasosolve ang kape at ice cream. 🙂
kainis ka.. hindi ako makalabas dahil naulan para makabili ng ice cream..
sorry to induce the cravings! yelo na lang muna tingnan mo kung meron sa ref! 😀
huhuhu.. yelo.. walang lasa…
parang susuong ako sa ulan para makakain ng ice cream.. hmmm…
if you do, totally worth it 😉
ice cream tease… sige.. bibili na…
penge!
Ahh, Amy Winehouse’s Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow is one of my all time favorites. What’s up with all the suicide-y entries, PM? Color me intrigued (and very chismosa lol).
i enjoy this song and is happy to know you do too. i particularly like the sentiment. the suicidal posts are exactly because i’ve been all about suicide recently. but it’s all good. shit happens and we move on. 🙂
Best of luck in your endeavor, miss. 🙂 I know you’re stronger than what you sport on the interwebs.
thank you, lady. i try 🙂 i’m lucky i’ve got lovely people like you to back me up so yes, i should be alright. and you will be too.
To being all right! 😀 Kampai!!!
cheers 🙂