How To Go Slow Dancing In A Burning Room


Prior to my respiratory malfunction, I read a lovely piece of writing about falling in love. I can’t remember who posted it exactly but it talks about how love in the beginning is effortless, hence the term falling.

You don’t do anything. It just happens naturally and one day you wake up and realize, “Hey, I’m in love!”

It sounds kind of dizzy romantic put this way, but recently I realized, there is another thing that happens as effortless as falling in love, and that is letting go. Now you may have some serious objections but hear me out…

Normally, when something wrong happens, the instinctive reaction of people is to fight it and move on as soon as possible. There is so much pressure on letting go, on dismissing whatever it is that has brought grief, sometimes you have to wonder how people really heal in record time, or if they ever do at all.

letting go

Fundamentally, I think this is what makes letting go difficult for everyone. There is always a rush to it, a negative stigma that if you don’t let go as fast as you can, you are selling yourself short, unjustifiably robbing yourself of all the happiness you possibly could be having the next minute.

Problem is, no matter how much you force yourself to let go, if you are not ready to let go, nothing will happen. You will only add on to the growing tightness in your chest. You will only add on to the rolling boil in your veins brought on by external pressures, brought on by people telling you what to do and how to live. You will only add on to the list of the many things that you can’t do… for the moment.

So what I find to make more sense is this: accept the fact that there is nothing wrong in hurting. Revel in the idea that you are hurting like hell. Embrace the pain and wallow in all sadness that your strength can muster if only because that is how you feel inside your heart.

To hell with what others think you should be or act or feel. Hurt if you’re hurting. Hold on if you want to. Cry if you must. Be pathetic for all the world!

letting go, here's to the past burning

For it is only in going through these motions do you begin to see what you have gone through, what has truly transpired, and when you have ached every last ache, you will finally come to accept that it has been done. After such a terrible struggle, you will find you have flushed all negativity out and you are ready to move on. You are ready to let go.

This is the long way to healing, albeit others will think this is the more masochistic way to healing, but I have to tell you this method is raw, honest, and at the end of it, you will feel that you have come full circle…

You did not deceive yourself to thinking you are okay when you are not. You did not trick yourself into believing you are wrong to feel bad. You did not resort to band aid treatments of your wounds. You did not feel ashamed of falling, of making mistakes, of suffering for it. You did not steal yourself of your right to heal in the way you know is right for you.

There is no grand struggle for happiness here. There is no big speech on strength, courage, and hope. There is no giant slogan for a brighter future.

All that is left is the knowledge that the dark days are finally over and you can now move on because there is nothing left to hold on to. Naturally.

Photos taken from here, here, and here.


12 thoughts on “How To Go Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

  1. Pingback: Seriously, Somebody May Need To Fire Cupid | Prinsesa's Anatomy

  2. Great post! Definitely one of my favorites! 😀 I agree with everything in this post.

    I think many people believe moving on and letting go are one and the same. I digress, because to me moving on is carrying your wounds with you everyday despite the hurt and trauma and what have yous. However, letting go is the last act of the play. It’s the end, for lack of better words, of your suffering. And boy does it take time, this letting go situation. Lots and lots of time.

    • i love how you put it, lady. that’s true, these two things can be different. however, i find that moving on in the true sense of moving on can only happen once you let go. getting by is different from moving on, or from sucking things up. it’s never a pretty process, isn’t it? but it’s always worth it in the end. it can be hard to see it while you’re on the process but looking back, you appreciate it. it’s one reason why you have to go through it successfully really, so you can look back and tell yourself you’ve done a good job. 🙂

  3. That is sooooo true, PM. That’s why I never advise broken hearted people to move on. I tell them time will heal all the hurt… the scar will be there forever, but the pain will be gone. Almost all those who have been hurt tell me no one will ever forget. Sometimes the memory will prick the heart, sometimes, not.

    Been there, done that…. everytime I remember, I also remember the pain.

    Good post. Reality check.

    • it will be highly convenient if these things can be rushed, if these things can be given a deadline, but it doesn’t work like that at all. some people get it and some people don’t.

  4. this is true. one needs to go through the depths of pain… and one lets go kung ikaw na lang nag hold on.. pero if its only some challenge that both of you can overcome.. then… di ba? 🙂

    and tears are very good way of healing… and before… i really couldn’t grasp the idea of going thru the motions (i liked the idea) but until i experienced it.. my god… it was excruciating… but then you feel better afterwards… 🙂

    • i guess we all have our own ways to cope. we all take time to heal and we all let go at our own time. we learn from these hardships and eventually, we move on better than ever so it’s worth it to be patient with ourselves. 🙂

  5. This post just made my day. Just, just made my day! Thank you for putting a smile on face with this. And for some reason, I will (shameless of me!) connect this to my blogpost for today. To use Pink’s words/song,

    “But just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die. You gotta get up and try, try, try”

    I hope I made sense here. Eh. Good morning!

    • always happy to know you’re smiling, miko 🙂 yes, we have to try. if we fail, at least we tried. if we succeed then even better. at least we will not be wondering what if. 😉

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