Prior to my respiratory malfunction, I read a lovely piece of writing about falling in love. I can’t remember who posted it exactly but it talks about how love in the beginning is effortless, hence the term falling.
You don’t do anything. It just happens naturally and one day you wake up and realize, “Hey, I’m in love!”
It sounds kind of dizzy romantic put this way, but recently I realized, there is another thing that happens as effortless as falling in love, and that is letting go. Now you may have some serious objections but hear me out…
Normally, when something wrong happens, the instinctive reaction of people is to fight it and move on as soon as possible. There is so much pressure on letting go, on dismissing whatever it is that has brought grief, sometimes you have to wonder how people really heal in record time, or if they ever do at all.
Fundamentally, I think this is what makes letting go difficult for everyone. There is always a rush to it, a negative stigma that if you don’t let go as fast as you can, you are selling yourself short, unjustifiably robbing yourself of all the happiness you possibly could be having the next minute.
Problem is, no matter how much you force yourself to let go, if you are not ready to let go, nothing will happen. You will only add on to the growing tightness in your chest. You will only add on to the rolling boil in your veins brought on by external pressures, brought on by people telling you what to do and how to live. You will only add on to the list of the many things that you can’t do… for the moment.
So what I find to make more sense is this: accept the fact that there is nothing wrong in hurting. Revel in the idea that you are hurting like hell. Embrace the pain and wallow in all sadness that your strength can muster if only because that is how you feel inside your heart.
To hell with what others think you should be or act or feel. Hurt if you’re hurting. Hold on if you want to. Cry if you must. Be pathetic for all the world!
For it is only in going through these motions do you begin to see what you have gone through, what has truly transpired, and when you have ached every last ache, you will finally come to accept that it has been done. After such a terrible struggle, you will find you have flushed all negativity out and you are ready to move on. You are ready to let go.
This is the long way to healing, albeit others will think this is the more masochistic way to healing, but I have to tell you this method is raw, honest, and at the end of it, you will feel that you have come full circle…
You did not deceive yourself to thinking you are okay when you are not. You did not trick yourself into believing you are wrong to feel bad. You did not resort to band aid treatments of your wounds. You did not feel ashamed of falling, of making mistakes, of suffering for it. You did not steal yourself of your right to heal in the way you know is right for you.
There is no grand struggle for happiness here. There is no big speech on strength, courage, and hope. There is no giant slogan for a brighter future.
All that is left is the knowledge that the dark days are finally over and you can now move on because there is nothing left to hold on to. Naturally.