What is it with nighttime that makes you want to jump off a bridge or maybe commit a murder? Seriously, I want to know. I want to know why all the motivation and cheering you have tried so hard to drill into your brain, for an entire day no less, suddenly go poof the moment the sun calls it a fucking day.
Is it the darkness? Is it the quiet? WHAT??
How come defenses automatically shred at night? How come everything you don’t want to think about force themselves at you when you are in bed and alone? How come the pain you’ve worked your ass off to block for hours on end attack you with double strength just in time for bed?
I truly don’t get it, why the night greatly contributes to the crumbling of your control and easily converts you into the most pathetic version of yourself. It’s like, no matter how hard you work in bottling all emotion during the day, when the night falls, all the crap just goes kaboom and explodes right on your face as a mega exclamation for your miserable life.
What’s worse, you can’t do anything about it, and you start to dread the moment all goes black because you know the torture chamber opens around this time. There’s really no running. You have your own personal cubicle where you can hack at your wounds impulsively and obsessively using any weapon of your choice and you will even enjoy it.
I guess the only consolation is there is only your sorry self to witness this nightmare and the dark conceals your secret nicely. Once you fall asleep exhausted from writhing in pain, you wake up the next day with the opportunity to fool yourself once more that you are alright.
You know the drill. The sun is shining, the burden of yesterday belongs to the past. It is a new day. Blah. Blah. Blah. But you just wait. When the sun sets and everything settles, the most powerful part of you awakens, and you go through the entire process again.
Hang in there.
Photos taken from here.