The Anatomy Of A Nightmare

stay strong

What is it with nighttime that makes you want to jump off a bridge or maybe commit a murder? Seriously, I want to know. I want to know why all the motivation and cheering you have tried so hard to drill into your brain, for an entire day no less, suddenly go poof the moment the sun calls it a fucking day.

Is it the darkness? Is it the quiet? WHAT??

So cruel…

How come defenses automatically shred at night? How come everything you don’t want to think about force themselves at you when you are in bed and alone? How come the pain you’ve worked your ass off to block for hours on end attack you with double strength just in time for bed?

stay strong fight anxiety

I truly don’t get it, why the night greatly contributes to the crumbling of your control and easily converts you into the most pathetic version of yourself. It’s like, no matter how hard you work in bottling all emotion during the day, when the night falls, all the crap just goes kaboom and explodes right on your face as a mega exclamation for your miserable life.

What’s worse, you can’t do anything about it, and you start to dread the moment all goes black because you know the torture chamber opens around this time. There’s really no running. You have your own personal cubicle where you can hack at your wounds impulsively and obsessively using any weapon of your choice and you will even enjoy it.

if youre going through hell keep going

I guess the only consolation is there is only your sorry self to witness this nightmare and the dark conceals your secret nicely. Once you fall asleep exhausted from writhing in pain, you wake up the next day with the opportunity to fool yourself once more that you are alright.

You know the drill. The sun is shining, the burden of yesterday belongs to the past. It is a new day. Blah. Blah. Blah. But you just wait. When the sun sets and everything settles, the most powerful part of you awakens, and you go through the entire process again.

Hang in there.

Photos taken from here.


6 thoughts on “The Anatomy Of A Nightmare

  1. Ma’am, I don’t know if this strategy will adequately assist you, but if you were to deal with what subconsciously troubles you during the day, by night time you should not be bothered by the nightmarish visions of what is haunting you so. Dreams and nightmares are spawned from your mind and whilst awake you can control them and efficaciously remove them too (over time). By night though, all that you have bottled up inevitably jumps out at you because your mind wants to deal with this problem for it has placed such a hefty baggage upon your shoulders, even if you wish to avoid it. Avoidance is not the solution. Just a thought ma’am.

  2. Great post, PM. And I totally feel your “It’s nighttime I want to murder people” situation going on. Lol.

  3. I thought I was alone in this “losing control at night” thing. However, I am starting to believe that there really is something about night time that makes every single strength we have mustered within the day crumble down. I guess it’s all a matter of changing our perspective so that we anticipate the day instead of dreading the night. I guess. But I know it’s a work in progress.

    I love how you write. Keep it up. 🙂

    • there’s just something about the night that i dread. somehow it makes you hyper aware of your pathetic life, of all the wrong things you’ve done, of all the thoughts you want to dump to space. but that’s brilliant. i’ll keep that in mind the moment i get night attacks. anticipate the day… that’s a great idea. thank you.

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