Go In The Direction Of Your Fears

Everyone of us has a story to tell. I believe in this cheesy line.

Last year, I started writing my own story. I didn’t have a choice really. This story burned my sleeping and waking thoughts, nagging me to put it down, forcing me to bring it to life. It’s that feeling you get when the characters chatter endless on your ear, wanting to get out of your brain and just breathe.

There was constant buzzing in my head I had no choice but let everything out or I’d go mad. It was almost manic. I couldn’t stop myself from writing it. My fingers move on their own. No matter the time of day or night, I just had to write one more paragraph, one more chapter. The story consumed me. It was lovely; brought me joy.

Then I stopped. Just like that. The voices died down. It was suddenly all too quiet and I couldn’t go on even if I wanted to. It’s not like I didn’t try, because I did, lots of times, but all that’s happened is me spending hours staring at a blank page with the blinking cursor taunting my incompetence.

And that was it. Call it leaving your meal half eaten or stopping in mid-sentence. Call it falling off a tree without hitting the ground or a volcanic eruption that changed its mind. I was done and I didn’t think of it anymore. Maybe not all stories are meant to be shared. Just because we have one doesn’t mean we have to bring it out there.

However, recent conversations stirred something inside me, like a worm waking up from dipenhydramine coma. Suddenly, I hear faint whispers, some activity turning my wheels. Characters I thought I’ve forgotten smile at me from a distance, not exactly telling me to try again but simply reminding me they’re still there, they’ve never gone, and they’re waiting for me. It’s actually a wonderful experience.

Right now, I haven’t tried writing it again but I recognize that electric current flowing through my system and I feel that interest in penetrating this universe that belongs to me alone. More important, something inside me tells me that maybe I can do this. I just have to try again – harder this time.