Faith pretended she’s an eskimo with a bad case of colds. Her head felt like the busiest airstrip on the planet that locking herself for 48 hours and counting in her room didn’t seem strange at all. The chaos emanating from a deep, half-forgotten part of her proved too much she’s paralyzed. She couldn’t even write.
To distract herself she read, comprehending nothing, the words like catching water using her hands. The routine started to get comfortable the rapt at the door this afternoon resembled fireworks startling her. She tried to still, maybe if she pretended she wasn’t there the knocking would go away but it didn’t. It took awhile to convince herself she could handle a knock on the door and once she succeeded, she regretted it immediately.
“What are you doing here?”
“You don’t take my calls, you don’t reply to my emails, you don’t answer my iMessages. Tell me what am I supposed to do?”
“We’re not in a relationship.”
“Fuck it we’re not.”
He disregarded her pleading look and forced himself inside the apartment. He allowed himself to drop forcefully on the couch and lifted his feet on top of the coffee table.
“Bo, please. Just go.”
“Where do you want me to go?”
She heaved a sigh of resignation and fell on the couch beside him. Leaning her head on his shoulder, she answered, “Away. I want you to go away.”
“I’m your only friend in this world, Faith. Are you sure?” When their eyes met they both laughed. It is always easy to withdraw quietly when something wrong happens but the ones who truly care about you always seem to notice, always hear the scream in the silence. “I ran into Andrew yesterday. He’s wondering too if you’re still alive.”
Faith rubbed her palms on her face. “I’m not seeing Andrew ever again.” Bo gave her a disbelieving look. “He’s hot, what is the matter with you? Does he even know you’re not seeing him ever again?” The guilty look said it all.
“OH. MY. GOD.” He straightened, his eyes just about to pop out of his face. “Tell me what it’s like.” She gave him a confused look. “You know, that awkward first time when you see the face of the man who means the world to you.”
“Meant. I mean to say meant.”
As much as she could, she tried to stop herself searching the answer to this question. The answer in a special place in the farthest corner of her mind, one she trained herself to avoid visiting all these years for the tiniest remembrance sent shocking abysmal pain throughout her body, surprisingly. Or not. Some things you just never recover from.
“I miss him,” she answered temporarily, the memory of Eric’s face crossing her mind. “Just kidding. I’m happy he’s out of my life so yes, he can go fuck himself, thank you.”
“How long has it been again?”
There was a hint of a confused sadness in her voice that Bo caught. Sometimes you have to wonder if it’s a lie when people say everything passes. Being with Faith right now, it’s easy to believe nothing passes. Or at least not the ones you hoped to pass. You may fool yourself into thinking it has passed but it is only you who have passed away or a part of you did and you can never get it back.
“You’re an idiot, Faith. You know that, right?”
“Yes, yes I do.”
“Well then,” Bo exhaled loudly, stood up. “Should we go get some ice cream?”
A shadow of a smile appeared on her lips. “What the fuck do I do without you, Bo?”