Wow. Just like that, the first quarter of the year is coming to a close. It’s truly amazing how time goes. I never notice it. Thus far, searching myself, I can say I’m at an improved place than when the year began. I’m still a mess but some bits here and there are clearing up. It’s taking forever but it is never easy restoring a war zone. A bazillion explosions do a lot of damage and the best thing to do is keep on piecing whatever is left patiently to as good as possible.
I barely feel at home in my own shell really, my landscape has changed so much. But it is what it is. Every day, I strive to accept that. Many things are still confusing to me, are hurting me, but there are others I have figured out. This process takes everything I have, but if it’s any consolation, I think I have come to the point where I’m so used to the motions that I just find it all funny. Besides, I’m not as gutted anymore. I only need to continue growing and hardening the fuck up. I have a long way to go. Who knows what happens next, but I press on. There is no looking back. I’m not going there anyway.