Check Your Condoms

Ako ay may lobo. Lumipad sa langit. Di ko na nakita. Pumutok na pala.

I think it was a month ago. I could still remember it vividly on my mind, and now thinking about it kind of makes me laugh. In between classes, one of my classmates started a guessing game with us. She was on her way out the door when she suddenly announced, “Sige hulaan nyo kung ano ang bibilin ko. Pag nahulaan nyo, ililibre ko kayo [Guess what I’m about to buy, if you guess it right I’d treat you].” There was a funny, smart-ass look on her face. My classmates and I started guessing: “Food? Napkin? Deodorant? Test Pack?”

But we didn’t get it right, so my classmate finally declared what it was. “Condom.

We laughed. I almost had it when I said test pack. But what was funny was that I learned last night that she was pregnant. It’s fine though, she’s married. But my classmates and I had a blast teasing her on how it happened with all the condom thing and all. As a health care provider, things like these don’t make me feel uncomfortable a tiny bit. It’s normal, and funny, so I told her, “Siguro isa lang ang binili mo no tapos ginamit nyo ulit. Ano ka ba nagtitipid? Sa susunod wag ka bibili ng tingi, ang bilin mo isang box para walang problema [Maybe you only bought one piece then used it over and over. Are you some kind of cheapskate? Next time don’t buy per piece, buy a whole box so there’s no problem].” And all of us erupted into laughter. Or I thought maybe they have a pet cat and the cat managed to get his hands on that pack. You know how cats are, they love plastics and foil packs because of the noise it makes when it moves. And bam! The cat forgot to retract the claws and added a new feature to the condom: holes.

Retract the Claws

Check this out:

1. Remember that condoms are disposable, which translates to, use one per intercourse. Do not use a single condom for the whole night of 12 rounds of boxing because by the time you’re done, the condom might as well have melted into your skin. So if it’s a Friday night, it’s raining, and you think you have better things to do than sleep, don’t buy a piece of that rubber, try buying a whole box. Don’t feel bad if you weren’t able to use them all though, there’s always a next time. Just think about it as an investment.

2. Some people are allergic to latex, and you might know by now that condoms are made of latex. So before sticking it in, make sure that you are latex allergy free and so is your partner. C’mon, you don’t want your thing to swell so much you can’t take it out right? Check if you are allergic to other stuff made of latex, like gloves. If you are, keep your cool. There are other ways to be safe, than sorry.

3. I believe this is a common practice among males: placing condoms on their wallets, or back pockets. This is not really the brightest thing to do. Placing that thin sheet of rubber in your pocket where it is exposed to pressure or heat can damage it. If you put it on your wallet then slid the wallet on your back pocket, c’mon, think about it, all your weight putting pressure there. Think about what would happen if it tears…

4. If you actually like picking up girls on whatever setting there might be, do not place your stash of condoms on the bed side table when you sleep, or if you put it there do not take them back and use them some other time. I’ve seen a film, and I figured it can really happen and be done in reality. The girl and the guy hook up at the airport and did their thing. The next day, the guy was still asleep after a long baseball game but the girl was already up and about, ready to leave. And just before walking out the door, she actually punched holes on the condom packs using her earring. It was genius.

So it goes. Oh well, it’s a tricky thing, I tell you. As for my classmate, I’ll make sure I give her health teachings next time, maybe after 9 months.

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33 thoughts on “Check Your Condoms

  1. steven,
    nice tips also and very fun facts! it’s good to know there are colorfully designed foils, makes it more fun to look at! lol

  2. Very good advice we should all keep in mind. For those of you in need of some discreet ways to carry condoms check out OneCondoms.com. One is a relatively new brand that packages its prophylactics in colorfully designed, round foil. At first glance they don’t even look like they are housing condoms. On the website they also sell discreet condom carrying tins (which protects them from external pressure), women’s compacts with a secret compartment, and 12 packs that come in a sleek aluminum tin that does not betray it’s contents.

  3. jzerx,
    ganun ba yun? maitanong nga kay my man ko kung may no. no. din siya. lol
    actually lahat kayo bug ang avatar dito. lol

  4. wehehe… let’s say if others can y cant i? pero lam nya un, cya lng my #1 & only. (syempre pg my #1, my #…? guess how many). sori ha, twice me ngcomment with same idea, ngloko internet q dat tym…weh, bug pl me sa site u, luk @ my pix.lol

  5. jzerx,
    very natural and intimate ba? now that’s a nice way to put it, kaso lagot ka dun sa can be applied to others. lol

  6. its worth saving your unwanted child into unwanted female.protection din un from disease. but for her, its better without it, very natural and intimate.

  7. tried different kinds: unsatisfactory, it takes away our intimate and natural connection. calendar method and withdrawal works fine. Dont know the nurse way (she is) of birth control and i dont like her taking pills as well. @snglguy/ipanema yeah your right. she never loved it. hope shes not reading this: if not applicable to one, it can be applied to others. just kiddin’

  8. this post reminds me of a condom accident i had in the past. it broke off. unfortunately, the gods didn’t heed my plea (buti pa si bw), i got preggy. my youngest son was a product of a condo mishap. 😀

  9. ipanema,
    of course there are other ways. i think all it takes is creativity. lol

    eggbreaker,
    it’s too bad you can’t tape it when there’s a hole. lol

  10. philos,
    um, i think it’s best not to buy a condom yet if you will not use it for 2 weeks. lol

    snglguy,
    years? wow. careful, you might turn celibate forever. lol

    unduk,
    hey thanks! i think these things are really important. lol

  11. Never liked wearing them, they’re uncomfortable and takes the fun out of S.E.X. but what the heck am I talking about anyway… I haven’t has sex in years , hahaha. 😀

  12. mon,
    sa tingin ko ayos lang kasi wala naman kiwi dito sa pilipinas, kaya sa saging na lang itest haha

    dimaks,
    well, there’s always a next time hehe

    piapot,
    magsulat ka na sa blog mo para masaya

    panaderos,
    hey thanks! and i think it’s good that they’re on the pill haha at least you need not worry at all haha but maybe you should try using one just for the experience hehe

    manilenya,
    siguro ginagamit niya pagka nagseself-service siya haha baka nagbibigay pleasure lalo yun pagka may props kahit na mag isa lang siya haha may mga taong ganun eh hehe tsaka madami namang tao ang may pagka naive pagdating sa mga ganitong bagay kasi parang nahihiya sila sa mga bagay about sexuality eh healthy naman kaya yun tsaka part talaga yun ng tao eh diba yaan mo tanong ka lang sasagutin ko lol

    K,
    can’t breathe? are you allergic to latex? lol

  13. I don’t like condom too, hehehe nabasa ko yung first comment lol! yaikss basta lol!

    Naaalala ko lagi ako nakakakita ng condom sa room nung 16 yr old boy dito sa work ko, ang tanong ko san nya ginagamit kasi di naman sya umaalis ng bahay..wala naman akong nakikitang ibang girls dito kundi mom nya at yung dalawang younger sister saka ako pala lol!

    may iba pa bang gamit ang condom sa lalaki? lol madalas kasi nasa garbage bin tapos parang gamit na lol..

    daldal ko lol..curious lang ako..medyo naive pa kahit matanda na lol!

  14. Excellent tips, your Highness. 🙂 I’ve never used one in my entire life but it was mainly a result of the women I had relationships with didn’t want me to use one. They were all on the pill.

    You write very well. Thanks for linking me up. I apologize for the delay but I’ve linked you up too. Thanks and take care. 🙂

  15. steven,
    hmm.. we have that in common. i don’t know have any idea too!

    nadine,
    oo ganun yun. information is the key of success! lol

    joyful chicken,
    sa tingin ko super sperm accounts for that 2%.

    bw,
    haha it’s good that Amon heard you! how expensive are the top quality ones? lol

  16. Man, one time the condom broke on me I must have prayed to every diety for the next month hoping for the infertility gods to hear my plea. My prayer was answered lol 🙂

    Now I only used the top quality ones because that incident stuck like trauma in my head up to this day 🙂

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