What Love Shouldn’t Feel Like

what love should feel like

Funny, when I think of love the first thing that comes to my mind is “Oh, God.” Seriously. Not that I’m a bitter young woman who wishes to rip her heart out her chest and put it in an icebox for safe keeping or anything but…

Hmm… okay, I’ve said that one time; maybe that wasn’t the best way to explain it. Let me rephrase.

Not that I’m a bitter young woman who wishes never to fall in love again but it seems I’ve been burned enough to realize love isn’t all hearts and flowers but more of spears, shards, band aids, and pain killers. I don’t drink but vodka may be added to that list, be my guest.

Just that earlier I read an article regarding what love should feel like. While I recognize love is a motherfucker sensation unique to whoever experiences it, I found the entire thing leaning towards the fanciful unicorn sort. I’m no expert on what love should feel like but it did make me ponder what love shouldn’t feel like.

Here goes:

  • Love shouldn’t feel like an obligation, or a death sentence. It should be natural like the way rain falls on a Friday afternoon, washing the earth and inspiring quiet moments of contentment. It should not be wrapped by guilt but by free will and respect for the other person. Once that guilt sinks in, something is wrong. You never stay with people because you are bound to. You stay with people because they inspire you. They help you grow. They make you happy.
  • Love shouldn’t feel like a breakfast of rainbows all the time or an over abundance of cheese on nachos every day. A person who thinks every day being okay is a good sign is a fool. It may mean stagnation, a staleness out of bad habits. If you don’t fight at all, chances are, you don’t communicate enough. Love is an entire range of emotions and hate is one of them. Do you know the song True Love by Pink? That’s a pretty close description. There’s no such thing as a perfect love, perfect person, or perfect relationship. Why? Not sustainable.
  • Love shouldn’t feel like following a grocery list. There are no rules. This is the truth. Love should be free. No names. No labels. No gender. No age. No race. No nothing. At the end of the day, it boils down to whether you have the feeling or you don’t. That concentration of feeling, that connection, is all that matters. One reason why there are many unhappy people or couples out there is that they limit themselves with a fixed notion of what love should look like. They focus on the grocery list society has created as if it’s society to be trapped into that relationship.

conditional love


  • Love shouldn’t feel like Sunday morning. It’s more of the coming of the weekend, giving you a buzz, making the wheels turn within your head, kicking your heart until it resembles a mad rabbit doing drugs. Love doesn’t have to come easy. Often, the most rewarding are those challenging, suicide leaps because you get to savor so much, not just how you feel, but the aspect of transformation that comes with it. It’s like the return of the lights after a blackout.
  • Love shouldn’t feel like an option, or a switch you can turn on or off. It should be powerful, something that sets you in motion. The kind that leaves you helpless. The kind that consumes you and appeals to your most organic self, like an inexplicable and  massive gravitational pull and you’re gone. Non negotiable. Who’s that guy who said if isn’t crazy, it isn’t love? It’s probably because the feeling’s so alive even if you want to fight it and go into a different direction, you can’t. Even if it’s crazy, you stick with it because it’s love and you are bat shit in love whether you freaking admit it or not.
  • Love shouldn’t feel like a three-legged chair or a secret ingredient soup with a missing secret ingredient. It should be enough. There shouldn’t be an emptiness or a disconnect. No floating in the air feeling for questionable reasons. No restlessness that weighs heavy on your back. Love should complete you.

Photos taken from here.

12 thoughts on “What Love Shouldn’t Feel Like

  1. Beautifully written ma’am. I think I may be the bitter young man to your bitter young woman for I sometimes believe that perhaps love is dead. Although I agree with what you have written in this piece young lady, do you sometimes believe that money, social tendencies, general looks and peer pressure relegate love to a factor that is often out of the equation?

    • what do you say we get a couple of spades and bury it same time? yes, i think most people do that and that is their mistake. love is love regardless and most misery in the world is caused by not accepting that simple fact. the worst is when other people insist on their narrow perspective of things. i mean, sure they have their reasons but ultimately it’s the person with the heart who has the right to decide and everyone with half a mind should respect that whether they agree or not.

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