Notes To Self II: More Mental Diarrhea

desperate girl

Yesterday, I’m talking to Michelle and it occurred to me I had more thoughts I’d like for me to remember. It’s amazing how much I’m learning where I am right now. It’s not a pink and cheerful place mind you, but I’m trying to walk through it.

I think through is the word here. I mean, I can walk out of it anytime, but I won’t, at least not today. Day 1 this year, I guess I hit it right on the head when I said shit is going to get real. Honestly, that time, it didn’t sound too terrible.😆

NOTES TO SELF II

1. Decide on what you want so you can get it, idiot.
2. No matter how much others think they’re right, you’re the only person who can determine what’s right for you.
3. You don’t owe anybody an explanation.
4. Don’t bother interpreting people; sorry business at the best.
5. Two steps behind or two steps forward isn’t  good idea.
6. Just laugh it off.
7. Shit half-assed done is worse than not doing it at all.
8. Never get defeated by imaginary fears. Until they happen, worries can just go to hell.
9. If hope is too much, at least be curious (right, Elaine?)
10. Suck it up. No matter how much it hurts, the world doesn’t care.
11. Being alone isn’t too bad; feeling alone when you’re not is worse.
12. In a war of expectations vs. reality, reality always wins.
13. …And wtf did I tell you last time (Notes to Self 1) about letting go?

Photo taken from here.

17 thoughts on “Notes To Self II: More Mental Diarrhea

  1. Pingback: Notes To Self III: A Lucid Moment | Prinsesa's Anatomy

  2. Girl! You amaze me! I just can’t say enough how impressed I am with you for talking/walking THROUGH it instead of waling out of it. You did sort of make a commitment that things were going to get real but it’s a lot easier said than done. But you still are keeping it real. I’m going to be maternal here and say I’m proud of you🙂 You’re also teaching me a lesson in persistence. I give up too easy but watching you take a step back and “regrouping” gives me encouragement to do the same.

    • you’re the sweetest, lady. thank you. what i find interesting is the amount of inspiration i somehow have to keep going. it’s really insane but what i’ve gotten out of this is a realization on what it’s like to be fearless. it’s not about having no fears at all but having a tremendous amount of fear but still going for it. that’s a big deal. in the past i won’t let myself go through such a thing, safer is best but now i’m discovering a whole new world and it’s agonizingly lovely. my friend puts it nicely saying it’s about trying. you can’t live life wondering what if. it’s a struggle, every day i have to fight my way through but i guess so far it’s a winning game.🙂

      • “Courage comes from a reserve of mind more
        powerful than outside circumstances.”
        It takes a lot of courage to release
        the familiar and seemingly secure,
        to embrace the new. But there is no real
        security in what is no longer meaningful.
        There is more security in the adventurous
        and exciting, for in movement there is life,
        and in change there is power.
        – Alan Cohen –

        Courage does not always roar.
        Sometimes it is the quiet voice
        at the end of the day saying,
        “I will try again tomorrow”.
        – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe –

        Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.
        – Dorothy Thompson –

        Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to
        overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing
        to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that
        everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding;
        and that there is always tomorrow.
        – Dorothy Thompson –

        Okay, I could go on forever with all these quotes… but you, my friend now know the true meaning of courage. I had these quotes written down for my ownself. Now, I hand them to you🙂 You are absolutely right and so is your friend. I wish for you, that you’ll forever know the feeling and the truth that living “safe” is sometimes not living at all. It feels so powerful when you do something that you’re absolutely terrified of doing and it works out. It even feels powerful when you do something you’re terrified of doing and it DOESN’T work out. You DID it, is the point and you grow every time you fight that fear and listen to that little voice (the voice, I believe is your soul) that says “Come on, you know you can do it”.

        LOVED this!

        • these are beautiful, thank you for sharing.🙂 on good days, this is how i think but on bad days, well i can do better. i’m not sure if it will work out but who knows, it might, idk. what i do know is it feels good to be doing something different. it’s kind of nice.

          • Doing something different will become a “habit” and there’ll be GOOD changes. I’ve seen a HUGE good change since I started following you, even. You might not notice but you live with you. lol I think your light shines to other people though, too. I can’t be the only one who notices🙂

            If you have a bad day, don’t beat yourself up and think that you need to fall back into bad patterns because you feel like a failure. Just pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start again. We ALL have bad days where we get depressed and discourage. You’re going to be JUST fine, I know because you’re so strong and brilliant and independent!

            • you’re too kind. i wish i can tell you i’m strong, brilliant, and independent but i’m not, at least not yet, but that is the goal. just have to keep working on it a little bit more every day. thank you for your encouragement. it’s lovely.🙂

    • thanks. it’s true. i always have to remind myself of this one because i tend to over think and scare myself away from stuff i want. let’s just say the mental discipline i have equals that of instant noodles.

  3. applause to #1. ditto to #3. i’m guessing there’s a huge back story to #5.

    to add to #10 (which i totally agree) – “honey, the world doesn’t owe you anything, you have to work to get what you want.”

    • well you know me, it’s a constant struggle, trying to discipline my brain. i’m on the losing end most times. that’s true, but first it’s important to find out what you want so you can work for it right?😉 i’m still working on that one.

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