The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon Book Review: Ice Water On Your Face, Not Veins

Would I get a copy of The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon by Stephen King if I saw it on book shelves? No. I’m not really the type to scare the hell out of myself and pay for it.

However, I got a copy of The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon over the holidays from Yeye, my sister’s friend, so I thought I should be grateful and read it… Actually, this reminded me of The Life of Pi, only this is a hundred times worst :lol:.

The book had a ridiculous plot. It was not remotely scary and if earthworms had a race with the storytelling of this book, the earthworms would win. It’s about Patricia, a nine year old girl who got lost in the woods and survived being lost for nine days.

She keeps her composure by occasionally tuning in to a Tom Gordon baseball game through her Walkman, with batteries powered by Mars itself. She eventually ends up hallucinating about Gordon keeping her company on the supposedly scary woods, which really had nothing but a single non-biting snake, beavers, deers, butterflies, a bunch of birds, and the thing of the woods – a half bear, half wasp monster that was supposed to be the adversary in the story. 🙄 If not for the huge trees and swamps, the setting could have been a park! And don’t get me started on murky swamps without anything on them but you have to beware of the sparkling stream that induces severe vomiting and diarrhea… and it has trout on it!

The resilience that Patricia showed in the book was remarkable but for a nine year old to endure everything that King had her endure, it was just too far fetched. If anything, Patricia would have been the smartest, fittest, and bravest nine year old in the world, with knowledge of the woods that would rival any Science teacher, the strength of a Filipino OFW or a water buffalo on heroin, and the guts of an equally stoned motocross superstar. I would have find it believable if she was a witch but since this is not Harry Potter, it was simply crazy.

I guess the scary part was supposed to be the part where three hooded figures appears out of nowhere and addresses themselves as the god of Tom Gordon, the Subaudible (the god of her father), and the last as a messenger of the thing in the woods, the God of the Lost, who eventually does nothing but give Patricia a feeling of being watched and was conquered by losing a staring contest against Patricia. 🙄

Will I ever read this again? Not if my life depended on it. But I got the point of the book. You know, about how we get lost in each of our own lives’ woods and how it is not really what is out there that is scary but what is inside us (like the nine year old version of Voldemort that suddenly popped out of Patricia’s consciousness) that is more scary…

That when we are lost we just have to keep going and going even if life is nothing but “woven of stingers… beneath there is nothing but bones and the God we share“…

That life is sad but we have to deal with it “just because“…

And that the secret to overcoming obstacles is to be the better man (or nine year old, even if you are facing a bear that can be a half bear, half wasp monster if you are hallucinating).

I get it alright, but this book is just bonkers. You don’t need “ice water on [your] veins” for this one… you need a bucketful to stay awake. 😯

Note: I know it is too early for book number 2 (book number 1 here) but I don’t want to lose my momentum so I’d just keep reading.

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On the photo: A lot of presents are on the photo (my desk is cluttered, sorry) like the Journey calendar eds sent me, the other help me bookmark from Jeanny, the Puss ‘N Boots toy My Man gave me (this is it GB!), the memory stick witsandnuts got me for the blogger exchange gift 2010, and finally the book from Yeye – at least I gave it a shot girl, but still, thanks. 🙂